How does anyone really deal with loss?

This week my column isn’t going to be about sports. It’s going to be about something more relevant to my life. Maybe that’s selfish, but right now sports are the farthest thing from my mind. What’s on my mind right now? Loss and how much it sucks.

Losing someone is in my opinion one of the most painful things a person can feel.  Many of you probably agree with me if you have experienced losing someone.

So how should I go about getting over the loss is what I am wondering.  How does anyone go about it? I mean I’ve lost all my other grandparents but not the one grandparent I’ve been closest to.  It’s not an easy task.  We don’t think much about it as kids because we don’t really understand the situation, but the older one gets the more it seems to hurt.

Psychologists have written tons of  books about dealing with grief, but I don’t have time to read a book like that, and I think they are all full of crap. How can any one person make a generalized assumption about how someone should deal with his or her issues? Everyone is different in the way they deal with their issues, and let’s be frank: people have a ton of issues.

If a book isn’t the answer then maybe it’s just talking to people.  They (experts, I guess) say that talking it out always helps. This helps if someone asks something about him, but things like “Are you okay?” I mean, what are you even supposed to say? “My grandfather died and I am perfectly fine.” No shit I’m upset about it and not okay.

Sometimes it helps when people comfort me. But comforting usually ends in hugging, and I am not much of a hugger. Hugging also just makes me cry more about it, so that option is thrown out the window.  The people that try and comfort always have the same thing to say.  “Sorry for your loss,” “it will get better,” etc. It is very sweet of them to reach out and say their condolences, but that isn’t really helping the situation either.

What is my solution to this problem then? Two things: good memories and distractions. Browse Pinterest, go to Main Street and get my favorite pasta dish, catch up on the latest episode of Bones; pretty much anything else but thinking about the situation. When I do think about the situation I look at happy pictures of my grandpa dressed in his full cowboy attire (boots, Levi’s, belt buckle, tucked-in pinstriped shirt  and hat ““ the whole nine yards), the jokes he pulled on everyone (he was a rodeo clown for years) and the art he taught me.

All of the happy thoughts put a smile on my face. Smiling keeps me distracted from how much I miss him. And this is what is working for me now. This is my formula for dealing with loss. Maybe it’s not yours, but that’s good because everyone needs their own formula. Loss is all around us, and yes it does suck, but as cliché as it is, it is going to get better. I know it is because Pop would have wanted it to.