Didnâ€™t it feel like she really had it? Before the latest email news flash, it felt like we could finally turn our election notifications off. Baloney that we canâ€™t. In fact, this whole situation is starting to feel so baloney that itâ€™s made a few folks wonder, â€œWhere are those third-party options?â€
I suppose turning to a third party this late in the election could be condoned. After all, if youâ€™re really feeling anything like your candidate Gary these days, then youâ€™ve also publicly decreed, â€œBoom! Iâ€™d blow my brains out.â€ HBO is hopefully releasing a new interview with the Libertarian candidate soon, or at least I hope so, since Iâ€™d appreciate hearing the rest of his response to the question of what heâ€™d do if tasked with picking between Trump or Clinton.
His candidacy has been given so little attention over the months that I was surprised at his demeanor in the recent Guardian tax-policy interview with him. No headlines have raised suspicions on his campaign contributions or absences from the debate stages. I wondered what endorsements heâ€™d acquired, since obviously Elon Musk could be one of them, right? After all, the last time I saw a piece of news about Gary was in September, when his â€œbuckle upâ€ policy had been revisited. To address climate change is to make 2016 the year we prepare to board Falcon 9. Remind yourself that, in Garyâ€™s eyes, the planet we temporarily occupy will face an inevitable engulfment by our own current life source in some nearer number of billion years. Â
Gary seems like heâ€™s got a few things going on right now, and maybe this just isnâ€™t his year. Maybe itâ€™s the stress of being the first presidential candidate to have, like, actually smoked weed? He was the CEO and president of Cannabis Sativa, Inc. Thereâ€™s your bit for business experience and economic preparedness. But maybe the Aleppo moment has him worrying that a few too many necessary facts have been knocked out of his memory banks.
Gary seems disheveled. The bitterness he espouses on camera right now has me feeling a little concerned about his stress level. I hear him â€” he sees the mediaâ€™s portrait of an absolute fool for simple slackings in geopolitical â€œwherewithanything,â€ and itâ€™s certainly a burden to bear. I just canâ€™t get around the notion that being president means maintaining a certain face for a new watchful audience and a visible semblance of proper temperament when youâ€™ve got moves to make.
Everyoneâ€™s still terrified of Trump, and so maybe Gary looks like a cool drink of New Mexican water. The thing is, heâ€™s not. Heâ€™s a vote suck thatâ€™s polling at least 39 percent below Trumpâ€™s lowest marker. Also, youâ€™ve got another news flash. A lot of Democrats have evidence to cite when they argue that Hillary could conceivably take Texas. This means one of two things for either of the other candidates youâ€™re thinking of.
Itâ€™s been fun having Gary along for the ride. It really is baloney that he couldnâ€™t have done a bit better. The days of Bernie seemed bright, but please donâ€™t think that Garyâ€™s the sun to return those lost rays. To my friends who vote Gary, Iâ€™ll always appreciate your civic participation. Even after Garyâ€™s lost the election, that Reddit thread suggesting the Musk & Johnson partnership could find fruition and a place for itself in the history books of space exploration.
Jeff Sullivan is a senior political science major. Heâ€™s also an in-depth reporter for the Trinitonian.