I was touring Trinity as a prospective student when a former coach of my father had just passed away. As we sat in Laurie Auditorium, my dad chuckled, then explained he was reading an email chain in which Texas A&M track alumni were sharing memories of their late coach.
â€œCome out of the blocks and let gravity pull you up,â€ my father read with a laugh.
Coaches, like all humans, say things. In fact, a big part of coaching is talking. And coaches, like all humans, say things that are funny. In making the menâ€™s soccer roster video, I had each player hold up a favorite quote from head coach Paul McGinlay. Over his 27-year tenure at Trinity, McGinlay has gathered up quite an arsenal of quotes and catchphrases. This inspired me to look into funny things said by other coaches for this edition of my Laughletics series.
Menâ€™s soccer was an obvious place to begin. In the opinion of senior Cooper Fyfe, the funniest statement uttered by the legendary P-Mac was a savage stinger regarding an opposing player.Â
â€œHe turns like the Titanic.â€
â€” Paul McGinlay, menâ€™s soccer head coach
Provided by Cooper Fyfe, senior midfielder
Meanwhile, senior womenâ€™s soccer player Abby Tisdale shared a favorite saying from former head womenâ€™s coach Lance Key.
â€œYouâ€™re either pregnant or youâ€™re not pregnant.â€
â€” Lance Key, former head womenâ€™s soccer coach and probably also Paul McGinlay, head menâ€™s soccer coach
Provided by Abby Tisdale, senior midfielder
However, this quote, which is a metaphor for pressuring the offense, can actually be attributed to McGinlay. I assume the saying is something Key picked up in his time playing for McGinlay.
â€œI think what we are learning is that Paul McGinlay is the only person who says funny things,â€Â said Alice von Ende-Becker, a midfielder for the womenâ€™s soccer team.
However, I remained sure I could find quotes from other coaches.
I found said quote in the form of John Tucker. Tuckerâ€™s girlfriend is my biggest fan and as such I can only assume she is peeing her pants with love reading his name.
â€œMan, I really like snacks.â€
â€” J.C. Bunch, former assistant baseball coach
Provided by John Tucker, junior baseball center fielderÂ
Upon further investigation, this is not something that Bunch said repeatedly, but I can confirm that the man really does like snacks. Wherever he is now, I hope his life is full of happiness and snacks.
I then went from baseball to menâ€™s tennis, just like I do on my rollerblading route.
â€œSaturdays are for the boys.â€
â€” Russ McMindes, head men’s tennis coach
Provided by Clark Rivers, senior tennis player
I am a tad bit skeptical that Russ McMindes was the first person to ever designate the last day of the week as being for the boys, but I am not doubting that he said it. Meanwhile McMindesâ€™ assistant has cooked up his own catchphrase.
â€œThis ain’t your barbecue, this my barbecue now.â€
â€” George Rivers, assistant men’s tennis coach
Provided by Matt Tyer, senior tennis player
I was already aware that head menâ€™s basketball coach Pat Cunningham, who once stepped on my GoPro in what will go down as one of the greatest moments of my life that happened in Websterâ€™s Gym, was pretty frank with his players, but these quotes sealed the deal.
â€œYouâ€™re so full of sâ€”t your eyes are brown.â€
â€œJudas Priest Almighty!â€
â€” Pat Cunningham, head menâ€™s basketball coach
Provided by Isaiah Specks, junior forward on the menâ€™s basketball team
From the swim team I learned a frequent reference point is John Ryanâ€™s time in service.
â€œBack in Vietnam â€¦â€
â€” John Ryan, former head/current assistant swim coach
Provided by Erin Crooks, junior swimmer
Abby Tisdale also provided a quote from current womenâ€™s soccer coach, Dylan Harrison.
“Let’s go be slippery out there.”
â€” Dylan Harrison, head womenâ€™s soccer coach
Provided by Abigail Tisdale, senior midfielder
Womenâ€™s soccerâ€™s own Sabrina Pescatore shared a quote neither from Harrison nor from Key, but from her own high school coach.
â€œYouâ€™re running around like a bunch of tampons.â€
â€” Jenny Richardson, assistant girlâ€™s soccer coach at Georgetown High School
Provided by Sabrina Pescatore, sophomore forward
While I did not ask Sabrina how a tampon runs, I appreciate the metaphor.
Whether or not you are an athlete here at Trinity, if you have a funny quote or story relating to sports, email your girl firstname.lastname@example.org and we can become best friends.