Your grades are plummeting, you rarely leave your dorm room and you canâ€™t get it together to save your own life. You are far from your prime. Luckily, the year is 2015 and none of this matters! Itâ€™s not important to have it all â€” itâ€™s just important to look like you have it all. By employing a few simple tricks, you can make it seem like your life is amazing â€” even when itâ€™s not.
Step 1: Never admit to posing for a photo (unless itâ€™s a selfie.) The most glamourous people have entire crews devoted to taking candid photos of them. You can recreate this same effect by looking wistfully into the distance in 50% of your pictures. The goal is to seem like you just happened to be thinking deep thoughts about the universe when someone snapped a candid photo. (Protip: Eye contact with the lens is overrated. You donâ€™t want to look like youâ€™re trying too hard.) Â
Step 2: Spend hours filtering each photo. Regular life is boring. Life in Amaro is awesome. Even better: pay money you could be spending on real things to download fancy photo apps instead of using the generic filters. Since your followers wonâ€™t be able to recognize what filter you used, theyâ€™ll assume automatically that everything you post is #natural. Plus, youâ€™ll be able to literally edit any part of your life that you donâ€™t like. Â Forgot to put on makeup one day? Photoshop it on. Wish your eyes were naturally blue? Change it with a single swipe. Everyone will be in awe of how you look so put together all the time. (If they ask, act oblivious. Donâ€™t admit that this is all you do with your life.)
Step 3: Make it look like you are always on vacation. This can be achieved in a multitude of ways. Option 1 is to go on vacation one time, and take a bunch of photos with different exotic backdrops. If you take 100 photos, youâ€™ll have enough material to upload gradually for the rest of the year. Option 2 is to pull up a high resolution image of an exotic place and post that on your feed, with a caption implying that youâ€™re there. â€œOMG, Love the sunset in Hawaii tonight! So beautiful, xoxoxox.â€ As long as you donâ€™t mention that you havenâ€™t left Prassel all weekend, technically youâ€™re not lying.
Step 4: Post about every meal you eat so people know that behind your perfect online profile, thereâ€™s just a normal person who loves to eat food (after itâ€™s been photographed, of course.) This is the perfect place to put those filters to the test: if you can make Mabee dinners look exciting, than even your boring life can be made sensational with a little internet magic.
Step 5: Get a real life and get off the internet. Just kidding. Thatâ€™s crazy talk.