Some of you may remember I wrote an article last semester about objectifying men in movies by saying which butts were the butts to rule the cinematic butt kingdom. I know my Mom does. Just yesterday she told me, â€œFor the love of everything that is good in the world, please donâ€™t write another article about butts!â€ Well, sorry, Mom. It is my journalistic duty to report about what I think is important in society, and rating menâ€™s butts is up there with the right to vote. Plus, it is my duty as an American citizen to honor American butts, since I screwed up last time and only talked about UK heinies. Here we go!
Jake Gyllenhaal in â€œLove & Other Drugsâ€
Granted, this movie is pretty depressing because Gyllenhaalâ€™s love interest (played by Anne Hathaway) has Parkinsonâ€™s disease. But they get down and dirty so often that it makes up for that fact. And because the movie is rife with â€œadult situations,â€ the audience is graced with Jakeâ€™s bare behind. Itâ€™s cute, and relatively firm, soâ€¦ 4 out of 5 Butts!
Chris Evans in â€œNot Another Teen Movieâ€ and Others
Ah, the all-American butt! I am thankful to say that I have never seen â€œNot Another Teen Movieâ€ for obvious reasons, but I am sad I missed out on the first big breakthrough for Evanâ€™s prime posterior. Luckily we also have â€œWhatâ€™s Your Numberâ€ and any movie â€œCaptain Americaâ€ appears in to ogle at it. Granted in the â€œCaptain Americaâ€ and â€œAvengersâ€ films we donâ€™t get to see a naked Evans, but I think tight spandex outfits more than makes up for that fact. And since he is Captain America, he has the most American of all asses, and man, what a cute tush it is! 5 out of 5 Butts!
Chris Pratt in â€œGuardians of the Galaxyâ€ and â€œJurassic Worldâ€
Once again the American people are deprived of what they really want: a naked Chris. Sure, we see Pratt shirtless in â€œGuardiansâ€ (and what a fine image that was), but we want the butt! I guess spandex and khakis will have to do for this one. If you really want to see a fully nude Pratt, you have to go watch â€œParks and Recreation.â€ People may be disappointed because his body isnâ€™t in tip-top shape in any particular episode, but I loved him even when he was cute and chubby. But since we donâ€™t actually ever see his cute keister, Iâ€™m forced to give itâ€¦ 3 out of 5 Butts!
Matt Bomer in â€œMagic Mikeâ€
Since â€œMagic Mikeâ€ about male strippers, it is chock full of fantastic fannies. Thereâ€™s Matthew McConaughey, Channing Tatum (who was actually once a male stripper before he hit it big in Hollywood), Alex Pettyfer, and Joe Manganiello. However, this female writer was most impressed by Bomerâ€™s bum. It may have to do with the fact that he has the most gorgeous face as well as the most defined behind, but thatâ€™s just hearsay. I give this regal rearâ€¦ 5 out of 5 Butts!