I think we can all admit that everybody came into college with a certain image in mind.  Maybe you thought it’d be like the film “Animal House,” but in slow-mo, so it lasts four years. Or maybe you thought it’d be reading Goethe with all your like-minded friends out on the lawn atop a hemp blanket. you probably thought you’d be getting an amazing education while building connections that would last forever, leading to a happy and healthy life and career.  Here’s the thing: these things may all be well and good, but let’s not put such high expectations on our experiences.  I think a lot of things in college are getting a little “overrated.” So this is my small intervention for all you young liberal arts-ers to explain some things that could possibly be cooled down.

Coffee

Okay, I understand the one- cup-a-day policy because, face it, mornings are tough and I need some artificial stimulation to get going. However, when I see kids guzzling caffeine at 1 a.m. because they have a two-page paper to write, I lose my ability to sympathize.  Why do we all feel the need to drink so much coffee? Is it part of “nerd culture” to act like your life is so busy and important that you constantly need to be on the go?  And, as for those late- night cram sessions where there is literally no other way to keep your head off the table, maybe you should consider avoiding them with crazy things like time management.  When I drink coffee, I feel only superiority and anxiety, two things I probably have enough of already.  On the plus side, coffee is a natural diuretic!

All-Nighters

Speaking of time management, when did staying up all night because you procrastinated for two months become a socially acceptable thing to do?  The only reason that anybody actually subjects themselves to this cruelty is because they convince themselves that it’s okay to watch another three episodes of “Breaking Bad” if they just cut out sleeping.  Then, the next day, they brag to all their little friends about how that killer project they could have done all semester better get an A because of the spiritual harm it is currently causing them.  Guess what? You’re not going to get an A. I’ve known amazing students that have double majors in neuroscience and art, yet have never once done homework after 2 a.m. Why? Because they do their homework before taking three- hour nightly trip to Taco C to catch up with old friends.

Dressing Nicely in Class

I get that this is Trinity and we’re supposed to dress nicely ALL THE TIME, but think about how awesome sweatpants are.  If we all just threw away these dumb “social norms” and just wore pajamas to class every day, we’d probably all be significantly happier.  Also, I’d get to sleep in an extra ten minutes, so there’s literally no downside.  Viva la resistance!

Irony

We all think we’re smart.  Some of us even think we’re so smart that we can write for a school newspaper.  Personally, whenever I get those pesky feelings of superiority (all the time), I immediately turn to sarcasm.  But I think that, while we’re all growing up and attempting to discover what kind of people we want to be, maybe we can be genuine about some stuff.  Maybe we can discover subjects that we can be unironically and uninhibitedly passionate about. But, whatever. It’s probably a pretty lame idea.