Iâ€™m gonna get real with yâ€™all for a second and let you in on a deep dark secret of mine. Iâ€™m a huge scaredy-cat. I might act really tough while watching movies like â€œInsidiousâ€ or heck, even â€œParanormal Activityâ€ but I can promise you that when I go to sleep at night, my closets, shower and bed (under it, specifically) are thoroughly checked for any sign of some creepy demonic child waiting to eat my soul. I can also promise you that a night light will probably be in use and my stairs will be well lit before I jolt up them without looking behind me â€” donâ€™t pretend like you havenâ€™t done that before.
Here is where I contradict myself though. I LOVE being scared. I love it. And I have absolutely no idea why. I think my deal is that while Iâ€™m in the midst of scary things, Iâ€™m rarely actually scared. Of course, as I said, once Iâ€™m home alone in my dark room, every shadow becomes my worst enemy. But while watching a scary movie â€¦ it just does nothing for me, so I like a challenge. Needless to say when I was asked to go preview the 13th Floor Haunted House right here in San Antonio, I jumped on that.
I was so pumped to go and beside the fact that I wanted to feed my hunger of being scared, I also had never been to a haunted house before. Now, in watching the 13th floorâ€™s trailer on their website, you would have thought that I would have gone to this haunted house and left with an aneurism and a dire need for a new pair of pants â€” but alas, this was not the case.
Just to give you some idea of what the 13th Floor is like in case you havenâ€™t been, it consists of 13 rooms that you walk through, each with their own actors dressed in raggedy clothes and smeared with face make-up and blood. Pretty typical stuff. Now, I have to admit, the rooms were decorated to perfection â€” the theme seemed to be old mansion creepy, which is usually the best bet because we know nothing scares us more than old fashion wallpaper (Am I right?). But I do have to give creds to each actorâ€™s makeup, it was very well put together. Even their acting was actually pretty flawless. I give them extra props for dealing with my snarky attitude the whole time too.
Here is where the problem lied: screaming in my ear that youâ€™re going to eat me when I know the rules specifically state you canâ€™t even touch me â€¦ it doesnâ€™t add up, scary monster. It just doesnâ€™t add up. On top of that, the fact that I can willingly spend as much or as little time walking through each room tells me I can basically speed walk past every room while chuckinâ€™ the deuces at each actor I pass Â â€” which I did.
For me, the part that was the most entertaining was waiting in anticipation before I even entered the haunted house. Outside the house, they have characters even more intricately dressed who pick on you independently. Itâ€™s really not scary at all, but they violate quite heavily your personal space and it quickly becomes a joke that as close as they get, they canâ€™t touch you (a sort of â€œnanana, you canâ€™t touch meâ€ type thing). Itâ€™s real mature, trust me.
Now, Iâ€™m not saying I didnâ€™t have a good time (mind you, I did get in free, holla), but what I am saying is that this Halloween, if you do decide to visit a haunted house and for some reason decide that the 13th Floor is the place for you, I highly recommend bringing a buddy. Preferably one like the one I brought who spent half the time asking when each actor got off work â€¦ so she could fight them.