I’m gonna get real with y’all for a second and let you in on a deep dark secret of mine. I’m a huge scaredy-cat. I might act really tough while watching movies like “Insidious” or heck, even “Paranormal Activity” but I can promise you that when I go to sleep at night, my closets, shower and bed (under it, specifically) are thoroughly checked for any sign of some creepy demonic child waiting to eat my soul. I can also promise you that a night light will probably be in use and my stairs will be well lit before I jolt up them without looking behind me — don’t pretend like you haven’t done that before.

Here is where I contradict myself though. I LOVE being scared. I love it. And I have absolutely no idea why. I think my deal is that while I’m in the midst of scary things, I’m rarely actually scared. Of course, as I said, once I’m home alone in my dark room, every shadow becomes my worst enemy. But while watching a scary movie … it just does nothing for me, so I like a challenge. Needless to say when I was asked to go preview the 13th Floor Haunted House right here in San Antonio, I jumped on that.

I was so pumped to go and beside the fact that I wanted to feed my hunger of being scared, I also had never been to a haunted house before. Now, in watching the 13th floor’s trailer on their website, you would have thought that I would have gone to this haunted house and left with an aneurism and a dire need for a new pair of pants — but alas, this was not the case.

Just to give you some idea of what the 13th Floor is like in case you haven’t been, it consists of 13 rooms that you walk through, each with their own actors dressed in raggedy clothes and smeared with face make-up and blood. Pretty typical stuff. Now, I have to admit, the rooms were decorated to perfection — the theme seemed to be old mansion creepy, which is usually the best bet because we know nothing scares us more than old fashion wallpaper (Am I right?). But I do have to give creds to each actor’s makeup, it was very well put together. Even their acting was actually pretty flawless. I give them extra props for dealing with my snarky attitude the whole time too.

Here is where the problem lied: screaming in my ear that you’re going to eat me when I know the rules specifically state you can’t even touch me … it doesn’t add up, scary monster. It just doesn’t add up. On top of that, the fact that I can willingly spend as much or as little time walking through each room tells me I can basically speed walk past every room while chuckin’ the deuces at each actor I pass  — which I did.

For me, the part that was the most entertaining was waiting in anticipation before I even entered the haunted house. Outside the house, they have characters even more intricately dressed who pick on you independently. It’s really not scary at all, but they violate quite heavily your personal space and it quickly becomes a joke that as close as they get, they can’t touch you (a sort of “nanana, you can’t touch me” type thing). It’s real mature, trust me.

Now, I’m not saying I didn’t have a good time (mind you, I did get in free, holla), but what I am saying is that this Halloween, if you do decide to visit a haunted house and for some reason decide that the 13th Floor is the place for you, I highly recommend bringing a buddy. Preferably one like the one I brought who spent half the time asking when each actor got off work … so she could fight them.