As the cold winds begin to draft under your door, the rain dampens your spirits on the way to class and the Richardson Communication building remains at approximately 50 degrees, it is becoming clear that preparations for winter must be made. It is time to get ready to hunker down all cozy in your residence hall on the weekends and evenings. Not from the north, eh? Need some help to keep from freezing your bum off, especially with the lack of thermostat control in the dorm rooms? Uff da (a Norwegian exasperated exclamation similar to “oh darn”).  Well, this time you are in luck.  Here’s some top-secret advice passed down through the generations to those Norskes up in the Midwest.

10) Iced tea is no longer a good drink choice.  In the North, foods and drinks with “ice” in their name are out of season most of the year. Yes, sweet tea may be satisfying, but if you get those intense cravings, as many southerners do, you may want to try sweet hot tea instead. Otherwise you may find yourself freezing.

9) It’s all about the layers, you guys. Long johns. Scarves. Don’t have sufficient supplies to assist in fashionably layering?  Get creative.  It’s about survival here.  

8) Invest in a “Snuggie.”  Or a fuzzy robe.  I have been known to wear mine to Mabee…  

7) Two words: hair-growth product.  Apply liberally to all parts of the body.  Enough said.

6) Line the walls and drape your windows with furs. That cold draft doesn’t stand a chance. But really, those extra towels that I know you have to put under the crack in your door … good to thwart the cold, too.

5) Keep those tootsies warm.  Your whole body gets cold if your feet are exposed to the damp / frosty elements.  Get some fuzzy socks or simply pull on multiple pairs. And ya know those sexy rain boots people strut around campus in? Totally worth it.

4) Sleep a lot.  You won’t feel it as much under your covers.

3) On a similar note … get a snuggle buddy.  It can be a friend, a platonic agreement among people of opposite sexes or that special someone (with whom you can get all “hot ‘n heavy”).  Body heat does wonders on those frigid nights.  After all, how do they generally survive freezing to death at night on movies?? If this is a no-go, I suppose an electric blanket would do.

2) Eat like a bear going into hibernation.  When you imagine Viking women, does the picture of dainty little girls prancing around and poking at salads come to mind? NO! We eat meat. We eat a lot of meat. Pack on a little flubber, it’s the best form of insulation (the “Magic School Bus” can back me up on this) AND it’s a win-win. You can eat all the yummy food you want and you won’t die from chill. Take that Weight Watchers.

1) Stock up on booze.  Drinkin’ will help, you betcha.  They’re called “spirits” for a reason.  Although winter can dampen ‘em, a lil’ alc will bring ‘em right back!  And it’ll add that warm, rosy color to your cheeks again!  A few tequila shots, and you could be outside in shorts and not so much as bat an eyelash. That’s how the Northerners do it.