You know what you need to do when you almost have a heart attack just by walking up Cardiac Hill? Work out. You also know that it becomes a necessity to break a sweat when your favorite jeans are pretty snug, and by snug, I mean that you have to pull Michael Jackson-esque moves just to get into them.

If you can relate to these painful experiences, then I am in the same boat as you, brotha/sistah. But no fear, here are some tips to get you in your best shape all in healthy and safe parameters. Just, please, do not become the person that excessively talks about their diet and exercise plan, because those people are pretty sucky. And just drink regular beer instead of light, because you might as well have water. Do not take this too seriously; have fun and focus on health instead of trying to achieve society’s ridiculous beauty standards, because you are beautiful just the way you are.

Fitness Regimen

In my mind, “workout” is a dirty word. If I ruled this world, it would be considered filthy enough to have your mouth rinsed out with soap. I think a less intimidating way to engage in physical activity is to do something fun. Here are some ideas:

1) Go swimming at Trinity or at San Pedro Springs Park. You can enjoy the outdoors and work on your tan.

2) Pick random fights with strangers — preferably people who are bigger and stronger than you.

3) Go on a hike with some buddies.

4) Play a pickup game of ultimate Frisbee, basketball, soccer or a combination of all three that you should refer to from here on out as “ultimate Frisbascer”.

5) Play on the construction sites on campus and pretend they are adult jungle gyms.

6) Engage in foot races with cars on Shook.

Acquire a Fitness Buddy

There is no worse feeling in the world than letting down a friend. Well, if you work out with a buddy this feeling can serve as an incentive to get a move on and actually go on your scheduled fitness date. Choose someone with health aspirations similar to yours and who is willing to kick your butt by holding you accountable. This translates into that person calling and texting you a million times, and forcibly removing you from your bed if needed. Also, time goes by much faster if you have a friend that will distract you with embarrassing stories and gossip.

The Ultimate Fitness Playlist

A bumpin’ playlist is essential to any workout. Not only does good music make it more enjoyable, but it can be motivating. Let this playlist inspire you as you get your sweat on.

LMFAO, “Sexy & I Know It”

Tegan and Sara, “Closer”

Beyoncé, “Bow Down / I Been On”

Iggy Azalea, “Work”

Rye Rye, “Party in the USA Remix”

Britney Spears, “Toxic”

Eminem, “Lose Yourself”

Spice Girls, “Wannabe”

Green Day, “American Idiot”

Taylor Swift, “22”

The White Stripes, “Seven Nation Army”

M.I.A., “Bad Girls”

The Go-Gos, “Our Lips Are Sealed”

Kimbra, “Warrior”

Marina and the Diamonds, “Primadonna”

Kanye West, “Stronger”

Destinys Child, “Survivor”

Jay-Z, “99 Problems”