On February 15th, the U.S. celebrated Presidents Day with crazy, out of this world, unbelievable deals in used car lots and secondhand furniture stores. Where did our patriotism go? As citizens, we need to reinvigorate America’s morale by taking up some new and modern traditions to honor our nation’s leaders. While some presidents are famous for getting stuck in bathtubs (calling you out, Taft) or ruining Inaugurations because of drinking a little too much the night before (Andrew Johnson was a fun guy), I believe these three presidents yield the most successful new traditions for our generation. In order from better to best, here are our new traditions for Presidents Day.
Barack Obama
Our current president, famous for many achievements and shortcomings alike, is arguably America’s most hip Commander in Chief in history. With the explosion of social media comes the explosion of memes and jokes at the president’s expense. The good news is that Obama has wholeheartedly hopped on this train. When given the opportunity, Obama enthusiastically throws out his calm demeanor in favor of a savage comedian. His most clever moments are documented in the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, where he made multiple jabs at friends and enemies alike. Whether you like him or not, Obama deserves respect as a clever comic.
In his honor, we should exchange all Presidential Debates for Presidential Roasts. If a candidate can’t successfully roast his competitors, how can they be expected to run a country?
John Quincy Adams
The sixth president of the United States had a lot on his plate. He not only had to live up to the expectations of his father, a former president, but also fight off the various Congressmen who were constantly fighting his legislations. To combat the stress that he faced, he decided to let loose and throw away all inhibitions. Legend has it that John Quincy Adams regularly skinny dipped in the local Potomac river. He let loose all the pressures weighing him down, literally and figuratively, and took time out of his busy schedule to relax, not caring if his neighbors liked the scene or not.
To honor President Adams, I propose we do anything but skinny dip in the Potomac. For real, that river might have been crystal clear when Adams was president, but it’s taken a negative, and murky, turn since then. If we regularly skinny dip in the Potomac, American citizens might be the victims of a radioactive epidemic. Let’s try skinny dipping in our backyard kiddie pool instead.
George Washington
Our first and most famous president wished for the United States to remain neutral in all other conflicts. While many know he famously refrained from involving the newly independent U.S. in any wars with the European nations across the sea, not many know of Washington’s efforts to maintain neutrality with local Native Americans as well. According to old stories, Washington often held meetings with these tribe’s leaders at his own home. While discussing peaceful relations, everyone in the room often partook in the communal smoking of a hookah.
President Washington has set a fine example that we should look up to even today. When’s the last time you had a nice dinner with your enemy while smoking a hookah? I bet Obama would be behind that.
