As a wise American songstress, Hannah Montana once said, “life’s what you make it.” The same could be said about sports, especially from the position of a spectator. One of the most fun things to do at Trinity is to watch sports. Here is a foolproof guide to having a blast at Trinity sporting events.
The first thing you’re going to want to get is snacks. The booming voice of James Hill will tell you to visit the Tiger Concessions Stand. Don’t listen to him. The apples are overpriced and you can just steal them from Mabee. Pop your own microwave popcorn before games. Pack your backpack full of ice pops, gushers, Doritos, crackers and cookies.If you’re going to a game which will feature concrete seats, specifically soccer and softball, bring a pillow to sit on. Bleachers are also not that comfortable either so bring at least one pillow to every game. Sometimes games are cold, so bring a blanket as well. Set up all your snack, drink, pillows and blankets until it’s basically like your own living room. At football games sit on the side of the field closest to the Bell Center so you can really spread out. If you want to really go crazy, bring your stuffed animal, but only after you’ve sewed him a little Trinity jersey.
Games are more fun with the right people. Perhaps your friends won’t go to games with you. Well, buster, it may be time to get some new friends. Tell your sport-hating nerd friends to scam. Ditch them and only talk to people who get that ball is life. If those dumb jocks don’t want to hang out with you, well that’s their loss. Go to a game and become best friends with the parents of that one athlete from your German class. Get yourself invited to Thanksgiving. Terry gets you, and it’s not at all weird to be best friends with her and not know her daughter at all.
Learn to heckle. Heckling is why sports were invited. If you want to be a great heckler, you have to find an inspiration, a role model if you will. If you’re at a softball game, you’ll want to find Callie Struby and watch her heckling. Struby’s heckling is honestly an art form and she puts a lot of thought into it. At women’s basketball games look at for Hillary Hoffman and prepare to be amazed. You probably won’t be as great at heckling as these two individuals, but you can always try your best.
Heckling other players is actually really easy, thanks to the invention of the internet. All you need to do is find the other school’s athletics website and reach the roster of whatever sport team is playing. Then find the name of the individual name of the athlete you wish to heckle. This is easiest in sports in which the players have numbers. Once you find their profile, you can shout at them things such as, “Bob Jones will miss this free throw!” or “Hey Sally Smith, why don’t you suck an egg?” or “Mary Williams you are a terrible pitcher.” Throw an actual egg at Sally. This may seem mean, and it is. Don’t do it, but if you do, make sure to find the athlete on instagram and DM them after the game to let them know it was all good fun. They’ll understand.
If you want to heckle the ref or ump, what you’re going to want to say depends on the sport. Usually “bad call” or “missed call” will work. If it’s softball or baseball, you can call the ump “blue” no matter what color he or she is wearing. It’s a reference to the classic cartoon “Blue’s Clues” because in season 16, episode 13, “The Search for the Strike Zone,” the titular dog, Blue became a referee to teach her owner Steve about baseball.
You don’t have to learn a ton of things about sports to cheer for your team. Just cheer for what everyone else is cheering for. If you’re not sure if something is good or not, just ask the person next to you, “Was that good?”
Honestly, it doesn’t matter how you do it, just go support your Tigers. Also don’t throw eggs. Eggs are eating not for throwing.
