Illustration by Ren Rader
“My boyfriend says that astrology is stupid, and I shouldn’t use it to try to understand our relationship better. How do I get him to like it more?” —Karen
It seems some people don’t like astrology because it means they have to be introspective. I don’t know if that’s the case with your boyfriend, as I don’t know him personally; however, an open mind can lead to wonderful insight. I think it’s time you have the talk, but first you’ll have to get him in the mood! You can start by investing in some candles and arranging them to spell out something romantic.
Remember, healthy communication is key. There’s no reason for either of you to raise your voice, start cursing or threaten to take sole custody of your dying houseplant. Please remember that we have the ability to end unhealthy communication patterns we have inherited and to create new, healthy patterns. Once you have decided what you want your candles to spell out, invest some time in a personalized playlist for your dear, dear, boyfriend. Unless you have Spotify Premium, a CD is preferred; not only is it more romantic, but we also don’t want, “With our Sprint family plan, you can — blah blah blah” to interrupt your ravishing and moving music. You are capable of immense love and affection, and you deserve good if you put in good.
As Belinda Carlisle said, “Heaven is a place on earth.” Being in love can make you feel as if you’re on top of the world, as if you just won as Oscar for playing the role of someone who has all the luck in the universe. Who said the honeymoon phase can’t last a lifetime? I think it’s noteworthy, however, that we have people like you writing in, “How can I help my partner understand me,” instead of your partner writing in, “How can I understand Karen better?” Of course, the way I’m writing, you’d think I was talking about something severe, but if astrology is important to you, then I don’t see why it’d be silly to learn about something that you care about. It’s essential to remember that if the interests of other people bring them some form of joy, we should be supportive of that joy. Of course, I don’t know anything about your relationship, or how you work as partners, but it seems you may struggle a bit with being heard.
Here’s my unprofessional, 20-year-old advice: Sit down with your boyfriend and write out a list of things that are important to you, and have him do the same. Under that list, write a statement that expresses how you feel when you aren’t listened to. Something along the lines of, “It makes me feel silly when I talk about {insert passion} and you laugh at me,” would work well, but you know, personalize it. Once you read your listed passions to each other and how you feel when dismissed, write a conjoined statement on a listening strategy that will hold significance for both of you. Maybe, “If my partner cares about something, and I care about my partner, then I will, at the very least, listen to what my partner has to say.” I know this sounds like a bunch of crap, and perhaps half-heartedly saying “sorry” would be so much easier, but it just won’t be as rewarding in the long-term.
Picture it: You’re building the floor of your brand new house, and you have a choice between doing the hard work to establish a proper floor or placing random tiles on top of dirt and hoping no one notices (we will). Similarly, using a disingenuous “sorry,” or worse, “sorry you feel that way,” is just another way of putting those ugly, mismatched tiles on top of uneven dirt. I believe love by nature can be pure, but I also recognize that generational patterns, by nature, can and will be destructive. Look, I’m not saying your boyfriend has to start aligning his chakras, but I am saying that at our age, communication is vital. I wish you well in your endeavor!
Kayla
