This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here. 

On the most recent Tiger Friday, a group of prospective students made their way around Trinity’s campus. Accompanied by their families and student guides, they navigated through campus in search to find their new home for the upcoming four years.

Tour guides direct families all over campus and walk to key destinations that are crucial for potential students to see. One of these, Bruce Thomas residence hall, has had an issue with rats making their way into students’ rooms. However, these rats have become an accepted part of campus life. On the tour, a rat dashed in front of the prospective students, who were shocked at the sight of it.

When faced with the sight of the rat, Patricia Holmes, junior neuroscience major and student tour guide, tried to calm the group by sharing stories of students having rats in their dorms last year, keeping them as pets, and playing with them after their classes.

“I think it was very sweet that they kept the rats. My friend actually had one and named it Jeffy, and I used to go into the room and play with him. Trinity is such an inclusive school and we love people and animals from all walks of life,” Holmes said.

After visiting Mabee Dining Hall, many families and students questioned the pungent stench that filled the air, which caused many students to turn up their noses. Holmes shared that that smell is very normal for the dining hall or that it might just be the sewer nearby. One student on the tour that used to have a sibling at Trinity asked the student guide about the supposed maggots in the Mabee food.

“Unfortunately, that is not a rumor. Maggots and other bugs have shown up in people’s meals. Many have to be careful when eating just in case they accidentally don’t eat some bugs. Luckily health services have dealt with many students getting food poisoning and are well-equipped,” Holmes said.

In Coates Library, a student on tour noticed that the library closes at 8 p.m. Mon-Thurs and at 6 p.m. on Fri-Sun. Holmes shared that the Trinity Board of Trustees works with student organizations to turn the library into a speakeasy at night. When the prospective student asked why that was necessary, Holmes was able to provide insight.

“They were trying to make money in order to buy a new oven at Starbucks so that students could have their food warmed up. Also, it’s a great networking and bonding opportunity, and a lot of freshmen have a great time trying new types of liquor and interacting with potential new senior love interests,” Holmes said.

A sit-down group discussion was held by Trinity students and prospective families in the Fiesta Room next to Coates Student Center. Roby Jones, sophomore computer science major, Lisa Palmer, senior business major and psychology minor, and Rithik Patel, art history major, were the few students asked to be on the panel. Many questions were asked about what Trinity life is really like. Students shared that Trinity being a small school has its pros and cons.

“Joining a Greek life organization will give you a lot of fun but be wary. Trinity is a work-hard-play-hard school to the T, and resurrecting every weekend, especially after nights out, makes you an even stronger individual,” Jones said.

After the Q&A session, some students asked the people on the panel what some traditions are at Trinity. Patel shared that on your birthday after you get thrown into the fountain, you have to swim as many laps around the fountain during the day as your age. Afterward, students have to run barefoot to health services center to patch up all the cuts they got from the sharp pieces at the bottom of the fountain.

Another fun tradition is the Trinity zip line that goes from the top of the tower into the fountain. In order to access the Trinity zipline, students must be on the Dean’s List at least twice — which many students fail to do. That is why STEM majors are not aware of the secret zipline.

At the end of the tour, students walked away quite confused but also excited to potentially start their new adventure at Trinity. The tour guides and students on the panel gave out their information to the families and let them know that Trinity is a great place to be.

“Being a part of organizations helps a lot if you want a more social yet dynamic environment. However, drama spreads like wildfire. Best to remain in the dark if possible and never show your face at any social event,” Palmer said.