When I first got to Trinity, I was depressed. Â Very depressed.
I spent two and a quarter of my years at Trinity being depressed. Â Isnâ€™t it funny, then, that when I finally manage to come to terms with myself and be happy and excited to do things at school, that Iâ€™m graduating. Â Haha, Iâ€™m just laughing so much, itâ€™s hilarious!
Now I get to go out into the world and be depressed again! Â Itâ€™s so funny how that works. OK, enough with the depression! Â Iâ€™m over it.
Last night, as I tried to go to bed, I thought of something really funny to write here. Â Well, I forgot what it was.
Why do I have to write a senior column again? Â Is this my punishment for working for the Trinitonian? I mean, like, my â€œTrinity Experienceâ€? Â What experience? Â I was depressed for over half the time I was here, and then I spent the rest of my time trying to pull myself out of the ditch I had dug. Â Fun times. Â So what do I wanna say? Â Well, I would like to personally thank everyone who has ever laughed at my jokes, all like, three of you. Â Itâ€™s good to know some people here can recognize unfunny jokes as an art form.
You guys, all you three entire people, you keep me going. Â Please donâ€™t ever laugh at anyone elseâ€™s jokes, it makes me jealous.
But seriously, if you want to read something like, â€œOh four years goes by so fast,â€ then you should read another column.
The first two years at this school went by painfully slowly. Â The minutes felt like hours and I felt nothing but a pit of dread in my chest and a deep, numb sadness in my heart.
It was only the last year that went by fast, probably because it was only really this past semester that I learned to really care about and value myself. Â And you know what? Â Iâ€™m afraid of losing that, because if I do, it will take years to get back.
You probably expected me to be funny for my last Trinitonian column ever, but you were wrong! Â Iâ€™m actually just trying to get the word count now.
You see, for other seniors, writing a senior column is optional, but for me, a Trinitonian employee, it isnâ€™t.
Letâ€™s see, well, once I graduate, this school will probably not see someone as pretty and as hilarious and awesome as me, so you guys should probably start mourning now. Â Â I mean, what are you going to look forward to next year if thereâ€™s no column by Lauren Schroeter waiting for you at the end of the week?
Nothing, thatâ€™s what.
Itâ€™s ok for you to cry about it: You wonâ€™t be the first person who has shed tears over me.
Good luck, dweebs.