How to “apply” for an “internship”


It is that time of year again. The sun is peaking out, the flowers are starting to bloom and the stench of pure stress is racing through campus as the words “summer internship” are whispered all around. The printers are on high alert as the resumes pile up; listing skills from computer programming to Microsoft Office, social media to blogging and the one volunteer activity you performed last year.

And while your parents may be bugging you to find the next big internship, remember that nothing is better than chilling out at the pool and checking your responsibilities onto a one-way ticket to no-man’s land for three months every summer.

If that hasn’t convinced you, just think about all of the scalding hot spilled coffee and early morning pastries that will become your life.

That’s where I come in “” as a gainfully employed unpaid intern, here are some tips and tricks I’ve picked up from my time in the workplace.

Follow these if you’re looking to avoid being employed this summer.

Start off strong by showing up an hour late to your interview.

So this may sound like a no brainer, but let me tell you – showing up an hour late speaks of true commitment. You will come off as the right amount of overwhelmed college student and clueless twenty-something. From there, a company may just want to move on to the next applicant who is “better suited to the company culture as a whole.” Translated: you’re off the hook; it’s not your fault you weren’t inspired by the mission statement or free snacks. Some matches take time to cultivate and you just ain’t got time for that.

During your interview, pepper in some enticing facts like, “I’m just not that into email.”

Companies like to stay hip, cool, with the times “” if you bring up the fact that you may not have jumped on that email train, they will keep chugging right on past. Extra bonus if you can convince them that you just “don’t believe in the Internet.”

Bring it home and reveal right at the beginning your true, procrastinating nature.

Face it, you’re in college; work simply does not get done early. Revealing your detestation of deadlines, your loathing of leg work and your aversion to actually starting on time may just help you hit the golden trifecta of a bad interview. Not only will you burn all bridges for hopeful future employment, you’ll also have to face the facts yourself and finally realize that that next episode may not be your best choice.

If you can manage to follow these three tips in an interview you will have yourself a winning ticket to Snoozville this summer.

Not only will you have fulfilled your parent’s wishes and applied for that one reach internship, you will have carried out your true duties as a college student. Stay strong in the fight and spend your time well.

It is worth a little extra work now to coast (hopefully on the coast) those blissful summer months.