Illustration by Andrea Nebhut

Aries – Chili Queens Cookoff, April 28

I know that you crave drama, competition and hot things, fire signs. This unconventional Fiesta event celebrating all things tacky will satisfy your hunger in more ways than one.

Taurus – River Parade, April 22

If anything would get you out of the house Taurus, it would be the River Parade. Trinity will have its own float, but stick around for the whole night. You love working hard, but playing even harder, so give yourself the night off.

Gemini – Fiesta at Hemisfair, April 18

Festivals have always been kind of your thing, air sign, haven’t they? Sure, you’d rather do without the screaming children and crowded spaces, but you’d do anything for a photo op and a funnel cake.

Cancer – King William Fair, April 27

Sweet and caring Cancers will never miss a chance to walk around a neighborhood filled with historical homes and art booths. King William Fair combines all the good fair foods of Fiesta with the quirky — read: wealthy — vibe of Southtown.

Leo – Battle of the Flowers, April 26

Fire sign? More like flower sign. Battle of the Flowers is the event that started it all, commemorating the women who threw live flowers at the Alamo. The quintessential daytime parade is a perfect match for cheerful and passionate Leos.

Virgo – Oyster Bake, April 13

A mainstay of Fiesta, the Oyster Bake will probably feel like home to you, earth sign. We know you love having a good time, as long as everything’s planned out — just grab a chicken on a stick, maybe an Austin Eastciders (we’ll forgive you for the sacrilege) and listen to some truly mediocre music.

Libra – Cornyation, April 23-25

Fair-minded and fun-loving, Libra, this theatrical parody of Fiesta serves up the right amount of comedy, politics and costume design to keep you satisfied.

Scorpio – Flambeau Night Parade, April 27

Coming alive at the night time is kind of your M.O. right, water sign? Your power is always at its greatest when the moon is high and the drinks are nigh, so this nighttime parade throughout the heart of the city is a must-go.

Sagittarius – Night in Old San Antonio, April 23-26

Don’t you love being the life of the party, Sagittarius? This four-night rager in La Villita is the perfect place for you to eat tons of food, see tons of friends and, most importantly, drink tons of margs.

Capricorn – Various Fiesta runs across San Antonio

Oh, sensible earth sign. While the rest of us are full o’ funnel cake (and margs, let’s be honest), you’re already up and at’em trying for a different type of bread. The multitude of runs around the city give you the perfect chance to have fun this Fiesta while still feeling just a tad bit morally superior.

Aquarius – Taste of New Orleans, April 13

Always one to be different, Aquarius. Isn’t the point of Fiesta to celebrate San Antonio? I guess, in a way, beignets are a type of funnel cake anyways. Enjoy your crawfish, but don’t forget about the Alamo city.

Pisces – Fiesta Pooch Parade, April 27

Dogs? In colorful costumes? Riding in ridiculous lil’ floats? Taking over the streets of Alamo Heights? You’ve always liked the idea of dogs in human clothes, Pisces, so now it’s time to see your canine king in person.