This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here
At the beginning of the 2025-26 academic year, Trinity will launch a new app, TigerDual. Next year, you won’t need to worry about wasting any unused Bonus Bucks or meal swipes, as you can place bets in the app on your beloved Tigers sports teams.
To coincide with the launch of TigerDual, Trinity athletes will sport the app’s logo on their jerseys throughout the season. QR codes will also be posted throughout the sports complex and the Bell Center to introduce a referral program where students who refer a friend to sign up for TigerDual will receive a $25 betting credit to begin hitting the sportsbooks. A link to the program will also be provided on the Trinity Athletics’ website.
The buck doesn’t stop at athletics, however, as you will also be able to bet on all things Trinity-related. You will be able to bet on the likelihood of things happening across campus, such as money lines on whether a professor will crash out or a brawl breaking out during an SGA meeting.
You’ll be able to parlay the odds of the campus getting a new Trinicat and taking the over on the duration of the university’s campus construction projects.
You can starve yourself by betting the over and under on the number of students who contract the Mabeevirus, the amount of protests across campus, and — the feature students are most excited for — betting on each other’s end-of-semester GPAs.
One student in particular, senior neuroscience major Noah Tall, is excited to give TigerDual a try in the fall as he aims to tank his GPA to help his friends out.
“I’ve maintained a 4.0 my whole time here at Trinity,” Tall said. “I can’t wait to throw it all away and give my friends some big Bonus Bucks, especially since all we’ll have are meal swipes next year.”
Sophomore business major Cope Alott also claims that TigerDual will make life as a Trinity Tiger much more bearable.
“Last semester, I had a professor curse me out for asking why the sky is blue,” Alott said. “Which is insane because I genuinely didn’t know and received no compensation for it except being mentally scarred. Now with TigerDual, I can rack up hella meal swipes and be traumatized!”
Faculty can also use TigerDual by betting on students in their class. Betting categories include the amount of students who drop after the first week, how many times a student is tardy or absent, or if a student will ask/say something stupid in class discussion. Psychology professor Nodah Gree talked about his excitement for using TigerDual.
“This is going to be great for me, especially since I’ll be able to get into their heads to my benefit,” Gree said. “I’m going to place a bet that all my students will fail. Not because I’m a bad professor, but because I simply need the money. My divorce has drained my wallet.”
Trinity will host workshops throughout the summer for incoming first-years to ensure the next generation of Tigers become proficient students and gamblers alike.
