This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here

Since transitioning to Workday on March 15, students have broadly expressed their support for the platform. However, students should stay afraid, because Workday will be replaced with Microsoft Excel in spring 2026.

Excel is a spreadsheet program developed by Microsoft that has computation capabilities, graphing tools, and all qualities needed to be an accounting major’s best friend.

Every class will have one shared spreadsheet, and whoever fills in their name first is in that class next semester. For those worried about people removing their name from a class, do not fear, because every professor is monitoring the sheets and taking note of who signs up first. Any students who don’t abide by the honor system will be shamed publicly in a list published in “LeeRoy” each week.

The initiative has been in the works since 2019. Tess Mitochondria, director of the TigerPAWS to Workday switch, is not a fan of this news.

“Switching from Workday to Excel is, honestly, a real disappointment,” Mitochondria said. “We spent years prepping the switch from TigerPaws, and it was completely out of left field. I mean, I was told about this through an email.”

Registration time slots will be assigned to students via what the university is calling a “reverse reaping” in homage to the new Suzanne Collins’ novel “Sunrise on the Reaping.” While the change comes very soon after implementing a new software, there are benefits. Veronica Beastly, university president, stated that using Excel will give students practice for their careers.

“I don’t think anybody saw this coming,” Beastly said. “A lot of businesses use Microsoft Office for their operations, and this gives students a way to practice their skills. I’m the last person who wanted this for our students, and we’re open to feedback.”
Underclassmen worry about getting into the classes they want every year, some going as far as enduring physical combat last year. Violence is always an option, but the university wanted to pursue a laid-back approach.

While some students are upset about this change, others are looking on the bright side. Jesse McCartney, first-year finance major, doesn’t see an issue with it.

“I’d get a bad registration time anyway, and using an Excel spreadsheet seems like the fairest way for students to get the classes they want,” McCartney said. “I took spreadsheet modeling this spring, so if anything, I’m at an advantage.”