The Student News Site of Trinity University

Trinitonian

The Student News Site of Trinity University

Trinitonian

The Student News Site of Trinity University

Trinitonian

New installment announced to improve Trinity’s accessibility

New installment announced to improve Trinity’s accessibility

Trinity motions to build a chairlift and zipline between upper and lower campus
Al K. Seltzer, False Reporter April 4, 2024

This piece is entirely satirical as a part our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian. We protested, and Trinity finally responded. In light of a student-led protest regarding the accessibility of...

Trinity student celebrates a particularly nasty 19

Trinity student celebrates a particularly nasty 19

Students share their concerns over recent birthday fountain dunk contamination
Walmart Ratrut, False Reporter April 4, 2024

This piece is entirely satirical as a part our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian. The birthday fountain dunk is a long-standing tradition many students look forward to when committing to Trinity....

FBI Agent (3)

FBI investigates Trinity: Alleged multi-million embezzlement

They are coming for us. No one is safe. Burn all your documents and run...
Drex Dada, False Reporter April 4, 2024

This piece is entirely satirical as a part our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian. Wistopher B. Cray, director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, revealed that Trinity University has been...

Purresident for the win! Felix wins the support and adoration of all his fans!

Purresident for the win! Felix wins the support and adoration of all his fans!

Felix will do so many wonderful things for all of cat society! Hear all about them!
Oxford Comma, Opinion Editor April 4, 2024

This piece is entirely satirical as a part our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian. Trinity University’s Cat Alliance (CAT) is a registered student organization dedicated to caring for our beloved...

Dr. Phil on Trinity Campus

Dr. Phil to spend a week at Trinity University

SGA approved Dr. Phil's coming to campus the week of April 8 for several projects
Diki Sheller, Intern April 4, 2024

This piece is entirely satirical as a part our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian. As of March 21, at the last SGA Finance Committee Meeting, SGA has officially approved self-help guru and television...

Man by day, tiger by night #PAWSUP

Man by day, tiger by night #PAWSUP

Legend has it Trinity University has a furry hero on the prowl
BDEVE, Farts Editor April 4, 2024

This piece is entirely satirical as a part our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian. Rusty orange fur with midnight black stripes traced across the pelt. A creature that prowls amidst the misty campus,...

Trinity University Chrmber Singers bond at Moo Ranch

Trinity University Chrmber Singers bond at Moo Ranch

Students partake in singing games, barnyard fun, and human sacrifice!
Frieda Breasts, Farts Reporter April 4, 2024

This piece is entirely satirical as a part our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian. At the beginning of the year, Trinity’s Chamamber Singers went to a retreat at Moo Ranch, an abandoned farmhouse...

‘Survivor’ takes over City Vista selection

‘Survivor’ takes over City Vista selection

How students are planning for housing around the recent change
Para Lasses, Farts Reporter April 4, 2024

This piece is entirely satirical as a part our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian. This year, Trinity’s Residential Life office made some significant alterations to the City Vista apartment selection...

Write shorter books: A Plea to Stephen King

Write shorter books: A Plea to Stephen King

King has recently been hit with numerous allegations regarding his books from 40 years ago
Omerika Digthony Esquire, Farts Reporter April 4, 2024

This piece is entirely satirical as a part our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian. Stephen Edwin King is one of the most respected writers to have ever lived, with many of his novels and short...

New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady (12) jokes with teammates during NFL football practice in Foxborough, Mass., Wednesday Dec. 7, 2011. (AP Photo/Charles Krupa)

No goats in the Hall of Fame

The case against Tom Brady’s so-called “Hall of Fame” legacy
Shy Shy Lebeauf, Reposter April 4, 2024

This piece is entirely satirical as a part our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian. Everyone has heard the narrative: Tom Brady is the greatest player in NFL history. Fans across the NFL, specifically...

Who truly is the best? Mascot battle to answer biggest question in college sports

Who truly is the best? Mascot battle to answer biggest question in college sports

College mascot cage match to decide the best school in the nation
Tiger Correspondent, Shorts Peddler April 4, 2024

This piece is entirely satirical as a part our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian. For years, college sports fans have tried to answer one simple question: Who’s the best? Some argue that the...

Jerheme Urban to return to the field after 25-year absence

Jerheme Urban to return to the field after 25-year absence

Taking advantage of COVID year, Urban returns for Mega-Senior season
Overhyped Tiger Fan, Shorts Peddler April 4, 2024

This piece is entirely satirical as a part our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian. With spring football practices rolling around, a familiar face has been spotted in a new position. Trinity football...