The 2012 Major League Baseball season kicked off last week after an eventful offseason. Pujols to the Angles, Prince Fielder to Detroit and the introduction of another playoff wild-card team are just a few of the headlines. Thus, as the season continues, it is time to combine the nation’s pastime with something near and dear to my heart: drinking games!

So without further ado, let me be your guide to a good time (or alcoholism, whichever you prefer).

The Guillen: To say the Marlins manager is outspoken is an understatement. Already he has been suspended for the pro-Fidel Castro comments he made. Therefore, every time Ozzie shoots his yapper or makes headlines take a shot.

Panic Time: Announcers like to talk about it being panic time when a team struggles. Every time one does so, take a shot. Every time they mention the words “panic” and “Boston” or “Red Sox” in a sentence, take two shots.

The Ryan: Every time Nolan Ryan is shown in the stands at a Rangers game, take a drink. Every time he is mentioned at least once in an inning, take a drink.

Pittsburgh Pits: The Pirates are currently in the midst of a record 19 consecutive seasons with a losing record. Every day they spend above .500, take a drink.

Crashing Cubs: Every time someone mentions their World Series drought, take a shot. At the end of the season, if they have not won, take a shot for each decade they failed to win it.

Filling the Gap: Every time it is mentioned in a Brewers or  Cardinals game that the respective team is trying to fill the gap of Prince Fielder and Albert Pujols respectively, or their absence is mentioned in the slightest, take a shot.

The Braun: Apparently something happened with him this offseason. Every time his offseason steroids hearing is mentioned, you guessed it, take a shot. In fact, every time the word steroids is mentioned in general, take a shot.

Ascending Astros: It could be a rough year, though they are off to a good start. For every series they win, take a shot. If they are ever in first place of the NL central, open a new beer and down it.