Wisdom and wit: the serious and funny advice you need

I suppose that, as a college senior, I should have acquired enough wisdom by now to have maintained a successful academic career, a busy romantic life and an exciting social calendar.

But, in truth, I still wait until the night before tests to study, have trouble talking to members of the opposite sex without coming off as a complete idiot, and often spend my nights on Netflix watching “Keeping up with the Kardashians.” That disclaimer now enables me to pass on a fleeting rant to all incoming members of the Trinity University community without anyone getting the notion that I have any idea what I’m talking about. Because I have no clue. I’m petrified to one day enter a world without Club Lib gossip and free nachos.

However, I’ve come to realize that this tragic loss of my youth adds to my coming-of-age tale and will shape my future self.

Once we leave the safety of this campus, we’ll have to face the fact that we’ll be fired instead of flunked, given public intoxication tickets instead of alcohol violations and will see friends briefly over the years instead of around the weekly Trinitones concert. But please don’t fret. There’s some good to be found under this stark realization that it’s time to grow up.

What is the core of this “good,”you may ask? This isn’t high school. While this statement may sadden those of you who flourished in that institution of yester-year, it’s actually a wonderful thing.

No one will know you your first day of school. No one will expect anything of you (except for your professors, your parents, and me — my expectations being the most important) and there won’t be any queen bees controlling your cafeteria table or social life — except for the Student Programming Board. Capitalize on this opportunity. Be who you want to be. Strive to be different”¦ or don’t change at all (#lazy). The choice is yours. And that’s pretty cool.

As for any advice to pass on, I have very little. Read your emails from LeeRoy, wear a swimsuit on the night of your birthday, don’t sit in the front row if you intend to use Facebook in class (you will die) and don’t be dumb. I feel like this last one sounds easy but is actually quite hard. I don’t mean dumb in the academic sense, as I am definitely not one to lecture on being academically shrewd (I withdrew from Business Stats), but rather in the intuitive sense.

Don’t skip 40 classes in a course that requires attendance. Don’t go out and get wasted the night before your midterm, unless you can do that successfully, in which case “” more power to you. And don’t think that just because you’re young and in a setting from the movie “Animal House” that your actions won’t have consequences. I’ll leave the details of that statement to the ladies at Health Services and to my account advisor at Wells Fargo, who makes monthly inquiries about my expenditures at Bombay’s Bicycle Club. Most of you are old enough to be tried as adults now, so start thinking like one.

I apologize for being so sassy, as I know that many of you are looking for any final words of encouragement.

This is all I’ve got: The training wheels are off. Don’t stop pedaling or you’ll probably fall off this ride and get a scraped knee. I’ll see you around the campus (don’t make eye contact on Friday mornings) and will be watching (especially on Facebook). Godspeed.

Gabrielle Shayeb is a senior history major.