Laundry prices rise: How to be less dirty

You kept careful track of your change for weeks, stacking each quarter into neat little four-coin piles on your desk. You avoided that extra late-night run to the POD because you knew if you went overboard with your Tigerbucks you wouldn’t be able to afford to use the dryers. Finally, you made it through the week, and dutifully lugged your dirty laundry down three flights of stairs just to arrive in the laundry room and discover the unthinkable: laundry prices have skyrocketed from a measly $1 to the gargantuan $1.25! You can’t afford that!

What’s a student supposed to do to keep clean when it’s hotter than Hades’ armpit outside? Here are a few tips to appear fresh while saving up change to wash your clothes.

Invest in Febreeze

When you still have a few days until laundry day but your favorite shirt/pants/underwear isn’t quite smelling its best, freshen up with a quick spray of Febreeze! Hang a few items that could use some brightening close together in your closet and then blast them all at once with your favorite fresh scent. (This reporter recommends “Hawaiian Aloha.”)
Repeat over a few hours, and you’ll smell like Meadows and Rain for at least a few days. (If anyone asks, tell them it’s a brand new cologne.)

Air-dry Your Clothes

There are very few advantages to it constantly being 5 billion degrees outside, but this is one of them. Save yourself $1.25, and use Mother Nature’s outdoor dryer, located right outside your door. Borrow an old-fashioned clothesline from your grandma and hang it on your balcony. Don’t be afraid to throw your tighty-whities to the wind! Those suckers will be dry in no time.

Save Water””Wash Your Clothes in the Shower

When you can’t wait to wash your clothes any longer but you’re still out of money from last time, don’t panic. Save yourself that long walk to the laundry room­ there are probably no washers available. Anyway, clean your clothes right in your own dorm room. It’s simple”“double the productivity of the few times a year that you shower by bringing your entire laundry basket into the shower with you. The benefits to this practice are endless! By washing your clothes and yourself at the same time, you’re preserving water. You’re practically saving the planet single-handedly. In addition, showering is free, so you can use those extra Tigerbucks for Einstein’s coffee instead. The only reason you’ll ever go to the laundry room again is to use the vending machines. As it should be. (Bonus points if you also wash your dishes in the shower.)

Don’t exercise, ever.

On the off chance that you needed another reason to skip the gym, here you go. Exercise makes you sweat, and sweat is the opposite of staying clean. In fact, avoid going outdoors completely. Don’t even risk it.

Imitate a boy at a middle school dance

Remember walking into class in 8th grade and literally gagging from the stench of AXE body spray? Do that. Spray it everywhere. Anyone who enters your immediate proximity will either 1) flee the premises or 2) lose consciousness, so they won’t notice how filthy you are. Only use this as a last resort. (Warning: this option may not be for those who value their friendships or themselves.)

Tell your mom

“Hey mom, guess what? I haven’t washed my clothes in six weeks!” Then start calling yourself Moneybags because your Tigerbucks account is about to be overflowing with cash.