Reviewing movies I haven’t seen


The original plan was for me to go see either “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” or “Hail, Caesar!” Unfortunately, a little lady called gastroenteritis intervened and I spent my weekend lying on my sofa in  a coma-like state eating crackers and applesauce, hoping that I would have enough energy to change out of my pajamas. Needless to say, I was unable to go to a movie theatre, let alone drag myself further than a three-foot radius. So, in order to compensate for the lack of an accurate and thoughtful review about a new movie, I am instead going to write a “colorful” review about what I’m guessing these two films to be like. Please note, I have only seen the trailers.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

I can already tell you that you are either going to love or hate this movie, as was the case with the book that it was based off of which came out several years ago. The trailer makes it look like the movie is taking itself too seriously for a parody of an English literature classic. If it beefed up the humor and ridiculousness of the plot, this movie might be worth seeing because then it could go along with other zombie parody films, like “Zombieland” and ?Shaun of the Dead.” But I definitely don’t see that kind of quality to the film based off of the trailer. I may still see it because I did love the book it was based off of (both the zombie and non-zombie editions), plus kick-ass ladies butchering deadly predators in pretty dresses speak to my soul on some level I can’t really put into words.

Hail, Caesar!

I LOVE anything and everything the Coen brothers have created or even touched with their genius hands. “O Brother, Where Art Thou” and “Fargo” shaped my early teens, and my obsession with Frances McDormand is all due to their films (I have a signed picture of her from “Fargo” in a secret safe somewhere in my hometown). Hail, Caesar! promises to have that same off-kilter humor, stunning performances and all-star cast that seems to be a part of every film they make. What makes it even more interesting is that it is a completely original plot! I haven’t seen one of those in a big release film recently. They have all been based off of a book, a real story, or an unnecessary remake or sequel to a franchise. But this is original with a capital O. Plus it has so many talented actors in the film, it’s bound to be great! Channing Tatum, George Clooney, Scarlett Johansson, Jonah Hill, Tilda Swinton, Josh Brolin, Ralph Fiennes and, last but not least, the Coen Queen herself, Frances McDormand all star in what seems like a jaunty ride through the Golden Age of Hollywood. Once I muster enough strength to roll off this couch and crawl to the cinema nearestto me, I will be seeing this film and loving every second of it.