Things you should stop talking about now


Friends will lie to you by omission. More specifically, they will not tell you when you are being extremely annoying. “Not me!” You exclaim. “I’m not annoying! And if I were, my friends would definitely tell me!” Don’t goad yourself into believing this notion. It is false.

There are certain things that will always be annoying when mentioned, and everyone around you will undoubtedly be too polite to tell you to shut up.

Here is a short compilation of just a few of the things that you’re annoying everyone you know by talking about. It would be wise to avoid mentioning any of these things in public ever again.

Country music

Specifically, the fact that you hate it. We get it. The sounds of banjos and joy make you wish the singer in question would drive that pickup truck off of that little country back road and into a steep ditch. Everyone who hates country music makes sure that the entire world knows it. The catch is that the entire world just doesn’t care. In reality, country music has something for everyone, and if you hate it, then you just haven’t found the right song yet.  Running away from your wife? There’s a song for that. Ran over your dog with a tractor? There’s absolutely a song for that. Made out with your cousin? You betcha.  Take some time to find a song that’s applicable to you and you won’t have to complain anymore.


How hard that class that you never study for is

Every student will have that buddy at some point: the one who never studies and always complains. They often invest serious amounts of time into video games, drinking or other kinds of unproductive hobbies, and rarely take breaks to do normal person things such as leaving their rooms, much less going to class. Then midterm time rolls around and all they can do is complain about how hard a certain exam is going to be, all while continuing to make zero changes in their lifestyle. Sir, the only time I’ve ever seen you pick up a book is to use it as a coaster for your beer. Kindly stop talking.


Your diet

So you’re allergic to gluten/processed foods/vegetables and the only cure for this is to eat like a caveman/vegetarian/jellyfish/bird. That’s all fine and good, except when the rest of the world has to be subjected to the side eye whenever they load up a giant plate of whatever makes them happy. If we could all eat, drink and be merry, that would be (basically unheard of but also) wonderful.

How you need money

Do you have a job? Feel free to keep venting. No job? No plans for a job? This is where the whole world stops taking pity on you. While this reporter is a huge advocate for sweetly mooching off of the parental units as long as possible, eventually it may be useful to actually procure an (even more) steady form of income. Money won’t always grow on good ol’ Mom and Dad.


How many likes you have

This number is just as insignificant as your BMI.