Not another pre-registration guide!

The day that will determine the rest of your academic future is soon approaching.

hat’s right, pre-registration begins next week on April 11 and everyone has begun the mad scramble to decide what classes they will be taking next fall semester (except for the seniors who, I assume, have skipped this article and are currently reading the next one).I’m here to help you all get through this trying extra time with yet another useful guide that is 100% serious and in no way a joke, at all.

Easter leftovers

Dig to the bottom your weeks old Easter Basket and salvage as much of that uneaten candy as you can. These untouched treasures will be your ammunition for the barrage of bribes you are going to send to the professor of that Leonardo DiCaprio portrait drawing class that you absolutely have to take.

Bury them in Starburst jellybeans, Peeps that have become hard enough to cut diamond and those pathetic things that are passed off as candy: Cadbury Creme Eggs. This may seem like you are simply dumping the unwanted gifts that a magic rabbit gave to you onto someone else, but remember that when it comes to bribery, it’s the thought that counts.

Sleep outside of your advisor’s office

Leading up to and during the pre-registration period your academic advisor will be an indispensable resource. Since your advisor is such a great resource, it makes complete sense to totally overuse them.

Schedule as many meetings as your schedule will allow, then call in sick from class for the next week and schedule even more meetings until your advisor’s day planner is plastered with your name.

After this, set up shop outside the office of your advisor and strike up a conversation with them every time they come to their office about how you’ve decided that instead of enrolling in that class that teaches you to play piano with your toes, you want to take a class on steampunk culture.

Doing this will make you confident in your choice of classes for next semester.

Attend class

Although some classes are not offered during the spring, many of the classes that will be held next semester are already being taught now.

Go ahead and attend the classes you are interested that are being taught right now. To clarify, when I say “attend the class” I don’t mean “sit in on the class,” I mean “attend the class.”

Buy the required texts for the class and reorganize your daily schedule to include these new classes.

If one of these prospective classes conflicts with a class you are currently enrolled in, skip the class you are already taking: the future is way more important than the present, right?

Also, make sure to get involved in the class ““ ask questions, do the homework, take the tests, and ignore the professor’s questions like “who are you?” and “what are you doing in my class?” This will help to get the best grasp on whether you are interested in actually taking the class or not.


If all of these steps fail and you still don’t get into that Introduction to Paint by the numbers class that you dreamed of taking, forget about it and pick something at random. Literally spin a wheel and enroll in whatever class that the fate has chosen for you.

Who knows, maybe you’ll take a class that transforms your life and inspires you to change your major to your newfound passion. Just make sure you take out all the boring classes beforehand so that you don’t end up taking something yucky like Applied Combinatorics III. Ew.