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  • J

    JBNov 4, 2019 at 11:58 pm

    Kayla’s advice may work for some, but there it’s not very practical. It only really works on those who get closure from introversion and mindfulness. Therefore, I would like to offer my own.

    First, there’s only one cure for a broken heart: time. Length of time is different for each case. It can last days, or it can last years.

    Here’s five easy steps that quicken the process. It won’t make it better all at once, but each day will be a slight improvement.

    1) You can no longer be friends with them, especially if you’re in love with them and they’re not in love with you. Hanging out with them, being friends, and doing things together will only sustain your feelings. Cut off as much contact as you can. You can be friends again further down the line, but only if you’re no longer in love with them.

    2) If you can, leave nothing unsaid to this person. In the case of unrequited love, a firm rejection is far better than a perceived rejection (plus it helps with #1). In the case of a breakup, say your goodbyes and get some closure. This step is helpful and encouraged for the common cases that I mentioned, but there are definitely circumstances where you shouldn’t reach out (e.g., abusive exes).

    3) Change your routine. This can be as little as changing around your room or wearing different clothes, or as involved as starting a new hobby. If you keep doing the same thing and follow the same routines, then you’ll see far more reminders of them and feel the pangs of loss more often. Instead, you try something new and sometimes make new friends. As you learn and grow you won’t be the same person who fell in love with them.

    4) Reach out to trusted friends and family. Vent your feelings regularly, but do so in a safe, non-judgmental environment (read: alone with a friend in your room is far better than twitter). It’s important not to internalize these feelings or to try to power through on your own.

    5) Take care of yourself. Sleep 8 hours per night, eat 3 meals per day, exercise 3-5 times per week, and participate in 1+ hobbies for fun. This is all basic advice for mental health management. If you’re unable or find it insufficient, then seek professional help.

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Dear Kayla: How do I fall out of love?