I have been in a long-distance relationship all four years of college. My boyfriend, Sam, and I are about to celebrate our five year anniversary, and it’s kind of weird to come to terms with. I never thought that I would start college in a long-distance relationship, much less end college in one.

Growing up and well into high school, I was headstrong about a lot of things, one of which being that I would never go to college with a boyfriend. I would silently judge those who did, thinking that one stripped their independence in doing so. I hated the idea of being tied to someone else when I was supposed to fly free.

My attitude on long distance relationships didn’t change the second I met Sam, but it did change after we realized our compatibility. We met the old fashioned way, in Spanish class, although we found out later that we were in the same ski lessons in second and third grade. We grew closer when we were in our high school’s production of “High School Musical,” but it was not until we were at a mutual friend’s birthday party that we really connected. As everyone was outside looking at the majestic North Idaho sunset, we stayed inside because the Oscars were on.

We started dating three weeks before the pandemic when he was a senior and I was a junior in high school. Quarantine kept us from seeing each other, so naturally, we got really good at talking on the phone. To pass the time, we watched movies together over FaceTime, and I think of much of this period as laying the groundwork for our long-distance relationship.
He stayed in our hometown, Spokane, Wash., for college, and he spent his freshman year at home. As I began applying to colleges, I made certain that he was not part of my decision making. I wanted to go to a small liberal arts school in a big city, and I wanted to be somewhere warm. Nowhere near Spokane fit that description.

We both moved onto our respective campuses at the same time, where we faced equally immense amounts of change. As an out-of-state student, I valued my time on the phone with Sam because, of course, I missed him dearly. Through my conversations with him, I felt connected to my home, making the transition to college down south much easier.

My headstrong independence did not go out the window when I came to Trinity. I didn’t know anyone prior to coming to campus, and I was dead set on making the most of my time in college by making friends. I felt forced into extroversion, and I am glad that I did. Through choir and writing for Trinitonian, I left my first year at Trinity with a strong sense of community.
None of this is to say that there have not been hard moments. Sam’s dad passed away in February 2022 and being away from home and him at that time was numbingly difficult. When I had a falling out with a friend, I wanted nothing more than a hug from him.

It’s because of these hard moments that we find ways to bridge the distance. We still watch movies together over FaceTime, we send each other gifts on holidays and anniversaries and we try to visit each other once or twice a semester. In spring of 2023, we got to do a semester without the distance when we both studied abroad in Florence, Italy. Doing long-distance makes the time that we do spend with one another over holiday breaks and throughout the semester all the more special.

Up until a couple of months ago, Sam and I took our relationship day by day or month by month. We would talk in terms of the next time we’d see each other or the next time we would talk on the phone. We never wanted to limit or be an obstacle to any part of the other person’s time at college. Now that our futures are aligning, we’re thinking further ahead, more in terms of the next year. He is getting his MFA at the University of Southern California, and I plan to move to Los Angeles after graduating to pursue journalism or entertainment publicity. It’s exciting.

I am definitely fortunate to have a partner who knows and complements my communication style. Every semester, we get into a great rhythm and routine of calling and texting each other. I don’t know how else to put it: It just works. We know each other to know what works and what doesn’t when it comes to our long-distance relationship, so we don’t waste any of our time on the stuff that doesn’t.

I have never felt like my long-distance relationship has limited my independence or any aspect of my time at college. If anything, it’s only added to my college experience. I have been able to grow as a person in a new place on my own while simultaneously getting to be with the person I love. As I begin to embark on a new wave of change, the idea of Sam — and my relationship losing its long-distance status — brings a sense of comfort.