This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here
STAFF PICK | LINKEDIN IS THE NEW TINDER
Looking for a career-driven lover to wine and dine? The Pearl will be hosting a LinkedIn x Live Tinder event this weekend at which participants will get to swipe left or right on other attendees based on their LinkedIn profiles. This speed dating spoof is sure to find you the hedge fund manager of your dreams and make you forget all about that art hoe who won’t text back. Those who match get a local IPA on the house as well as a year of LinkedIn Premium.
LinkedIn x Live Tinder • Saturday, April 5 at 6 p.m. • $75 • The Pearl • 303 Pearl Pkwy
TU STAPLE | HEMINGWAY WOULD BE PROUD
Fans of Leo Tolstoy and David Foster Wallace, rejoice! San Antonio’s Pretentious Book Club gathers Wednesdays at various wine bars across the city, allowing attendees to ruminate on literature while imbibing cabernet sauvignon. Invitations are sent in the mail, for the handwritten word is much more powerful than email, and live readings precede heated discussion. Props are given for those who recite their favorite passage from the week’s reading in Latin, and fans of New York Times bestsellers will be turned away at the door.
Pretentious Book Club • Wednesdays at 7 p.m. • Must receive handwritten invitation • Wine bars vary by week
ON CAMPUS OFFERING | DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY
Beze Underground is turning into what its name implies for one night only: a nightclub. Trinity’s student-run programming group will be transforming Beze Underground into a roaring nightclub next Thursday night, complete with Phi Sig DJs running back their favorite EDM beats and disgustingly sweet green tea shots for all to indulge in. The night will run from 10 p.m. – 2 a.m. and attendees will receive university-branded sunglasses to wear to class the next day.
Beze Underground Nightclub Night • Thursday, April 10 at 10 p.m. • Free • Beze Underground
