As I’m sure most of your friends, family and teachers have told you already, the transition to college is a big one. You’re starting a new school, meeting new people, moving cities, states or countries away from your hometown. It’s daunting; I know it is. And I’m going to add to the endless barrage of advice being sent your way.

When I first started at Trinity, my youngest brother was 14, incredibly confident and annoyingly witty. He told me, on many different occasions, that when I walk into a room, I should believe that everyone loves me until proven otherwise.

It sounds cocky at first, but as someone who was viciously worried about what other people thought of her, it was exactly what I needed to hear. My default was to walk into a room and assume everyone disliked me until proven otherwise.
I was guarded and shy, and my brother is the most authentic person I know. He’s outspoken, unafraid of speaking his mind or showing people who he is, and that’s really what his belief comes down to.

Here’s what my brother was really saying: Be immediately yourself. Act as though you are in a room full of people who love you, who make you feel comfortable and accepted. If you don’t feel the need to prove yourself and please everyone around you, it makes it easier to do that.

It’s untrue, obviously. You cannot know if everyone immediately loves you, but I’m giving you permission to delude yourself a little bit if it means you feel a lot freer to express who you are.

That’s what I think “Be yourself” is missing — what my brother’s piece of advice makes up for. It’s hard to know who you are at 18. “Be yourself” means nothing if you don’t know yourself. Imagining that you’re around people who care about and love you, though, gives you the opportunity to discover snippets of who you are.

Know that this belief does not mean you should not be kind or considerate. Love does not equate to admiration; you still must be cognizant of others. If you assume that everyone loves you by default, love them by default. Give them the opportunity to immediately be themselves, too.

There will also be times when the belief that everyone loves you proves to be false. That’s okay. Everyone is not going to love everyone. Sometimes personalities clash. I promise you, though, that it will feel so much better if you were being yourself up to that point. If you stick to your beliefs and stand by your decisions, you’ll know yourself a little better.
For all of the people who end up disliking you, there will always be more who do, truly, end up loving you. That will feel so much better than being loved by people who only know a carefully curated people-pleasing version of you.

I’m not telling you that I know exactly who I am at 21. Trust that I absolutely do not, and I slip up in my brother’s belief all of the time. It’s easier to avoid being vulnerable, but that vulnerability taught me a lot. I definitely know more about who I am than I did at 18, and a big part of that was my brother’s advice. I’m telling you that if you allow yourself to feel comfortable — to assume that everyone loves you until proven otherwise — you will discover who you are.

With that, welcome to campus. We already love you.