Trinitonian

Invalidating feelings invalidates a friend

To be a good friend, you might have to go against a natural instinct — wanting your friend to be continuously happy.

Emma Power, Opinion columnist • April 6, 2023

“Don’t get mad!” “Oh, don’t cry!” “It’s OK.” As friends, we say and hear these phrases all the time because we want our friends to always be happy, just like they want the same for us....

Previously, on SGA: Constitution reviewed

The following covers the meeting on March 29.

Alejandra Gerlach, Managing Editor • April 2, 2023

Climate Check: Sophomore Senator Allison Waters opened climate check by asking who she should reach out to about safety concerns regarding the baseball field, before citing students’ concerns about...

Come one, come all! Witness the horrors of the newsroom

Logan Crews, Editor-in-Chief • March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here. The Trinibonian newsroom has a certain reputation for being far away, dark and slightly dingy. Tucked...

The RA hall of fame

Hear some of the heroic acts of your friendly neighborhood resident assistants

Bomar Batrut, Pulse Reporter • March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here. Resident assistants (RAs) core responsibility is the management of residential spaces. RAs are typically...

Einstein Bros: Bagel bros go solo

Students' takes on the unsure future of the bagel giant

Biya Bankamamidi, Pulse Reporter • March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here https://trinitonian.com/category/special-sections/ Lately, one news story has been breaking the internet:...

Behind the scenes with Trinity tours

Looking at the university through the eyes of a prospective student

Balika Bhauhan, Pulse Reporter • March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here. On the most recent Tiger Friday, a group of prospective students made their way around Trinity’s...

Jackpot! Daniel Martinez becomes Trinity’s first octuple-major student

Batherine Barr, Pulse Editor • March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here. Daniel Martinez, sophomore accounting, ancient Mediterranean studies, anthropology, applied chemistry,...

The campus bookstore NEEDS to sell LeeRoy body pillows

It’s absurd that these furry snoozing companions don’t already exist

Biya Bontractor, Copy Editor • March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here. The campus bookstore should consider a release of a brand-new and sought-after commodity: body pillows,...

Meet Trinity’s newest org, the Possum Alliance

Members of the newly formed club aim to get possums the same respect as the Trinicats

Bonica Bartinez, News Reporter • March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here https://trinitonian.com/category/special-sections/ One night, freshman sociology major Adam Marsupialski...

Rats return to campus with a vengeance

This time, the rodents set their eyes on more than just Bruce Thomas Residence Hall

Barah Bisher, News Editor • March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here. In 2022, the rats came for Bruce Thomas Residence Hall. A year later, they came back for the rest...

Previously, on SGA: Ballot brawl breaks out

The following covers the meeting on April 1.

Balejandra Berlach, Managing Editor • March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here. Zero students were in attendance. Climate Check: President Daniel Newton began...

Paranormal activity plagues Thomas Residence Hall

Trinity’s partnership with international research facility aims to keep students safe

Bay Burdine, Illustrator • March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here. Bruce Thomas Residence Hall has come under the immediate acquisition of the Secure, Contain, Protect...