Trinitonian

Taste of San Antonio becomes Taste of Glizzy’s

Richard Cox, Reporter • April 3, 2025

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here On March 25, the Coates Student Center unveiled its new dining option, Taste of Glizzy’s,...

Bundle up, and turn up the heat: Hazing is back on the menu

Drew Right, Arts Columnist • April 3, 2025

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here Yes, it is true my fraternity has been mentioned on Fizz recently. As risk manager, I...

Lockers by day, dorms by night

Res Life will open up Trinity’s football lockers for junior housing to accommodate rising juniors’ need for on-campus housing

Olivia Marie Hill, Reporter • April 3, 2025

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here On March 24, Trinity students received an email from Residential Life announcing that football locker...

Well, that transition was short-lived

Trinity to switch from Workday Student to Microsoft Excel for class registration

Bonica Bartinez, Reporter • April 3, 2025

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here Since transitioning to Workday on March 15, students have broadly expressed their support for the...

LeeRoy commits a fur-paw

Former Trinity mascot in custody after being declared a “furry” by Texas government

Canne Sulled, Snoozer Loser • April 3, 2025

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here After governor Richard Abbey passed the FURRIES Act (HB6969) on April 1, LeeRoy was arrested by...

Trinibonian Events

Hot Rod, Editor • April 3, 2025

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here STAFF PICK | LINKEDIN IS THE NEW TINDER Looking for a career-driven lover to wine and dine? The...

Shots, shots, shots, shots, everybody

President Wiser now requires all freshmen to use substances on campus

Fizzkhalifa, Reporter • April 3, 2025

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here Thanks to President Bud. Wiser, students in the freshman dorms are now free to smoke and drink as...

‘Honestly a pretty cool dude’

The Sludge opens up about Trinity presence

Hambag Girdle, Damaging Editor • April 3, 2025

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here You know him by many names: Slop, Goop, That Disgusting Stuff On The Sidewalk, but he says he only...

GOOD NEWS!!! TWO MORE WHITE GUYS GOT A PODCAST

Waddy Worrom, Reporter • April 3, 2025

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here Rejoice! The moment everyone has been waiting for is finally here! Two more white guys have started...

Nature or sabotage?

Shameron Kill attributes sub-par season to mosquito in his office

Cailyn Austin, Squirts Editor • April 3, 2025

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here After a disappointing 2024-25 season for Trinity women’s basketball, many were left wondering...

Trinity sports are super dope… too dope?

Trinity somehow passes policy permitting doping in athletic competitions

Cailyn Austin, Squirts Editor • April 3, 2025

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here On April 1, Trinity’s athletic director Kob Bing rolled out a policy that stunned the NCAA community....

Forget in-person counseling, you’d BetterHelp yourselves

Trinity admin provides a brand-new alternative for mental healthcare

The Big D, Reporter • April 3, 2025

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here Trinity has offered counseling services as a free resource to students for decades. However, next...