When EJ Jamieson, senior environmental studies major, started her first year at Trinity, everything was shut down. It was fall 2020, and she had to both end her high school experience and start her college journey through a computer screen.
“We didn’t have a graduation, which was disappointing because I went to such a big high school — my high school is bigger than Trinity — and so graduation there was kind of a big deal, but it makes me way more excited for the actual event of college graduation here,” Jamieson said.
Having a virtual first semester at Trinity limited Jamieson’s ability to become involved in clubs and organizations, but when she finally did arrive on campus in the spring, the sorority Chi Beta Epsilon quickly caught her eye.
“I wasn’t really interested in [Greek life] at all my freshman year. … Then I had come [to campus] that spring, and I didn’t even know we had anything on campus,” Jamieson said. “I had just met this girl … and I thought she was like the coolest person in the entire world, and I found out that she was in the sorority that I am in now, so I was like, ‘OK, I’ll look at that.’ Then I ended up joining, and I’m so glad I did because it’s not even Greek life itself; it’s just my organization that I just feel very at home and safe in, and I’ve made the best friends I’ve ever had.”
In addition to being a member of Chi Beta Epsilon, Jamieson is the sorority co-chair on Greek Council executive board and an aftercare teacher at the Keystone School. Balancing her weekday 2:30-6:00 p.m. commitment to the Keystone School with the demands of her classes and extracurriculars has been difficult but highly rewarding for Jamieson.
“I discovered through that that education is something I’m very passionate about. But I also just love to work with kids — they’re just so much fun, and I feel like they’ve really helped me discover a lot about myself and my inner child and being able to connect with that part of myself.”
After graduation, Jamieson plans on attending law school. Specifically, she plans on pursuing environmental law and has already applied to several law schools that specialize in that field.
“I’d like to do environmental law, but more so for people,” Jamieson said. “As climate change worsens, there’s things like Cancer Alley in Louisiana and suing the shit out of ExxonMobil kind of work to ensure that people who are going to be impacted the most are going to have the best outcomes.”
Jamieson is still waiting on decisions from the schools she has applied to, but whether they be acceptances or rejections, she is proud of having made it through the process.
“I hope soon I’ll get into law school,” Jamieson said. “I know I’d be very proud of myself if I did that, but I’m also really proud of myself for being able to do that at all, to apply and put myself out there in that way. I was really proud of myself, especially taking the LSAT and writing applications and working on my GPA. I’m really proud of myself and how that turned out because I feel like being here I’ve felt a lot of imposter syndrome at times, and so I’m really proud of myself for finding my way and doing what’s right for me and not trying to compete with others.”
Imposter syndrome has been something that Jamieson has struggled a lot with while at Trinity. For her, this imposter syndrome has manifested itself in a myriad of ways, from feeling like she doesn’t belong to feeling less-than for not doing too much.
“I feel like most of the time that I’m here, I’m surrounded by other people who are like, ‘Oh, I was valedictorian,’ or ‘I was top whatever of my class, and I got into these other schools, but I didn’t go because I got a full ride here at Trinity,’ and that is so not my reality at all,” Jamieson said. “I was never top anything in high school, not top anything here. I’ve never felt the need to do too much, and being surrounded by a bunch of STEM students and people who are so high-achieving and high-aiming has been hard on my self-perception sometimes because I’ve never really felt the need to be that high-achieving.”
Specifically, Jamieson noted that many times throughout her academic career, it has been explicitly said or implied by others that studying the humanities or social sciences is less important and less difficult than pursuing STEM, further damaging her self-perception.
“There’s been times where I just felt I didn’t belong with a lot of other people I know, especially not being a STEM student,” Jamieson said. “I just heard so many times about opinions towards the social studies and humanities and not feeling like I’m doing anything that’s significant enough, and I think that’s where most of that imposter syndrome came from.”
Throughout her battles with imposter syndrome, Jamieson has felt like she has maintained an outward appearance of belonging. She described feeling like people are looking at her and seeing that high-achieving, put-together person, but wishes more people knew about her reality.
“I wish people knew that I’m not as put-together as … sometimes people think I am,” Jamieson said. “I think I put on a very good front in that, and I think that comes up with the imposter syndrome — that deep-down, I have no idea what I’m doing, and I don’t think anybody does, but me especially. I don’t know anything ever, and I do think I’m a huge mess, to be honest. I think that’s one thing that I wish more people knew — that I feel like I’m a mess and that’s okay.”
Looking back at her time at Trinity, Jamieson feels like she has gone through substantial growth and self-improvement. The major lesson of that growth, and one she would transmit to her past self if she could, is this:
“All of the things you’re worried about don’t matter. I used to be really concerned about how I looked and how other people felt about me, so I’d probably say that one day you won’t care, so you probably shouldn’t care now.”
