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The Student News Site of Trinity University

Trinitonian

The Student News Site of Trinity University

Trinitonian

The Student News Site of Trinity University

Trinitonian

Spoiler alert: I’m a plant killer

Spoiler alert: I’m a plant killer

Growing succulents with love, sunlight and water is sometimes still not enough
Monica Martinez, News Reporter April 20, 2023

Google “are succulents easy to take care of?” and the search results consist of many articles touting that they’re easy-to-please and low maintenance. While succulents are less demanding than some...

Come one, come all! Witness the horrors of the newsroom

Come one, come all! Witness the horrors of the newsroom

Logan Crews, Editor-in-Chief March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here. The Trinibonian newsroom has a certain reputation for being far away, dark and slightly dingy. Tucked...

The RA hall of fame

The RA hall of fame

Hear some of the heroic acts of your friendly neighborhood resident assistants
Bomar Batrut, Pulse Reporter March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here. Resident assistants (RAs) core responsibility is the management of residential spaces. RAs are typically...

Einstein Bros: Bagel bros go solo

Einstein Bros: Bagel bros go solo

Students' takes on the unsure future of the bagel giant
Biya Bankamamidi, Pulse Reporter March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here https://trinitonian.com/category/special-sections/ Lately, one news story has been breaking the internet:...

Behind the scenes with Trinity tours

Behind the scenes with Trinity tours

Looking at the university through the eyes of a prospective student
Balika Bhauhan, Pulse Reporter March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here.  On the most recent Tiger Friday, a group of prospective students made their way around Trinity’s...

Junior Adam Garza donning a pretend mustache.

Jackpot! Daniel Martinez becomes Trinity’s first octuple-major student

Batherine Barr, Pulse Editor March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here. Daniel Martinez, sophomore accounting, ancient Mediterranean studies, anthropology, applied chemistry,...

Leeroy body pillow with a crown and price tag

The campus bookstore NEEDS to sell LeeRoy body pillows

It’s absurd that these furry snoozing companions don’t already exist
Biya Bontractor, Copy Editor March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here. The campus bookstore should consider a release of a brand-new and sought-after commodity: body pillows,...

Meet Trinity's newest org, the Possum Alliance

Meet Trinity’s newest org, the Possum Alliance

Members of the newly formed club aim to get possums the same respect as the Trinicats
Bonica Bartinez, News Reporter March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here https://trinitonian.com/category/special-sections/ One night, freshman sociology major Adam Marsupialski...

Rats return to campus with a vengeance

Rats return to campus with a vengeance

This time, the rodents set their eyes on more than just Bruce Thomas Residence Hall
Barah Bisher, News Editor March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here.  In 2022, the rats came for Bruce Thomas Residence Hall. A year later, they came back for the rest...

Previously, on SGA: Ballot brawl breaks out

Previously, on SGA: Ballot brawl breaks out

The following covers the meeting on April 1.
Balejandra Berlach, Managing Editor March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here.    Zero students were in attendance. Climate Check: President Daniel Newton began...

Paranormal activity plagues Thomas Residence Hall

Paranormal activity plagues Thomas Residence Hall

Trinity’s partnership with international research facility aims to keep students safe
Bay Burdine, Illustrator March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here.  Bruce Thomas Residence Hall has come under the immediate acquisition of the Secure, Contain, Protect...

Defund men’s athletics?

Defund men’s athletics?

Trinity athletics department made a large decision to grant funding previously allotted to men’s sports to women’s athletic programs
Babby Bower, Sports Editor March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here. Nearing the end of Women’s History Month, Trinity Athletics made a consequential budgetary decision:...