The Valentine’s movies you don’t want to take a date to

When it comes to cinematic options on Valentine’s Day, people’s selections often fall into two categories. The first and most obvious category is the rom-com, the kind of Katherine Heigl-ian fizzy concoction that causes a swoony sensation and a sappy aftertaste. The obvious alternative to this is bitter-and-single cinema, which allows the chronically unloved among us to partake in the kind of self-pity that’s as dark and satisfying as Ghirardelli chocolate.

In past issues of this newspaper and a thousand others, you’ve been assailed with guides to these types of cinema. Looking for a sweet Nicholas Sparks adaptation to watch with the BF? Click here! Searching for a ladies’s night pick that solidifies your belief that boys are the worst? Read on!

But, you may not be asking yourself, about a third category? What about those movies that intend to be romantic but, for whatever reason, are not romantic at all? Compelled by my somewhat contrarian nature and my strong tolerance for bad cinema, I decided to assemble a list of such films. Without further ado, here’s a guide to the movies that are meant to have viewers reaching for one another, but instead have them reaching vomitously for the trash can.

  1. “Attack of the Clones” (2002)

  2. “Forces of Nature” (1999)

  3. “Twilight Saga” (2008-12)

  4. “The Last Song” (2010)

  5. “Mr. Wrong” (1996)