This piece is entirely satirical as a part our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian.

Starting April 5, all creator posts on Fizz will become non-anonymous, revealing every user and their online comments. Chaos is expected.
Frequent Fizz fanatics are scrambling to delete posts after Fizz announced this new update. Hidden in the tiny print in the Terms and Conditions, the new policy states that every post is final and permanent, therefore nothing can be revoked. Camille Spines, junior communication major, expressed their feelings on that.
“Not that I said anything bad. Or anything THAT bad. Well, I haven’t said anything great … but doesn’t this go against the constitution or something? Like invasion of privacy?” Spines said.
Spines is not the only one scrambling to take down distasteful online comments. Avid Fizz user, Jakob Yvez, freshman engineering major, comments on his experience with Fizz.
“I downloaded it because this guy said I’d get a free donut,” Yvez said. “Every time I open the app there’s a lot of funny shit. Real funny shit. Awful, awful stuff, but funny as hell.”
Rebecca Smartiez, senior political science major, wants to give a formal apology to everyone whom she has wronged on Fizz.
“I’m sorry to everyone I called a trashy flamingo. I said a lot worse but they [The Trinibonian] said I couldn’t say it. Off the record … I don’t regret anything, this is just for PR. I also made everything up on Fizz and have several accounts targeting the same people. On record … I hope everyone can forgive me!” Smartiez said.
In addition to Fizz revealing their anonymous users, TU Complaints on Instagram just revealed who sends in their complaints … or who sends in his complaints. This Instagram account is notorious for complaints towards every student and organization on campus. But, through an accidental leak of posting his face on the account instead of the complaints, SGA president Manny Win exposed himself as the head mastermind behind the account.
“And I would’ve gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling reporters!” Win hissed as The Trinibonian inquired about the leak. “Have a Tiger-Tastic Day!”