This piece is entirely satirical as a part our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian.

After receiving many complaints about students on electric scooters hitting passersby on the sidewalks, Trinity has decided to create a scooter-only lane on every walkway. On the left side of all upper campus sidewalks, there will now be a painted-green lane that only scooters can use, with a dotted line in the center to split the two directions of students. The current design would use about 90% of each sidewalk for the scooter lanes, leaving walking students to walk single file to get to class.
Mike Rofone, sophomore human communication major, filed a complaint a few months ago after being hit by another student on a scooter while walking to class, and was injured as a result of the accident. They had hoped that scooters would be banned on campus.
“I had to go to Health Services because that guy ran into me, and I was late to class because of it, not even to mention the bruises and scratches I got because the student was looking back at a friend or something and didn’t see me,” Rofone said. “Now I have to relive that trauma every time a scooter whizzes past me in the new lanes.”
Although some are worried about the new plans, other students are excited about the new development. Hugh Cumber, junior business analytics and technology and global supply chain management double-major, has a scooter and is grateful for Trinity’s recognition.
“I’m super stoked about this new development. I feel like I’m finally getting my moment,” Cumber said. “Electric scooters are a way of life. I think everyone should get one as part of paying tuition, and then the entire sidewalk should be all for scooters. That’d be so futuristic and awesome, man.”
Another concern is that there has been talk of the university shortening passing periods to five minutes in the future if the majority of students use scooters to get to class. This could force walking students to get a scooter or bike, depending on how far away their scheduled buildings are. The next logical progression has also been discussed: adding a designated area within buildings to lock up scooters and possibly even charging scooters for students.
A Trinity groundskeeping poll of 600 anonymous students showed that on a scale of 1 to 5, 1 being “this is a horrible idea” and 5 being “this is so cool I’m so down,” the average answer was 1.05. That being said, there has not been any mention of halting or redirecting the project, it still seems to be a working plan as of now. Trinity has put up an anonymous Google Form where students can file complaints or other ideas for the project but has clarified that this doesn’t mean they will be going off-course from their current design.