P.O.D. machine no longer losing its cool

No, it isn’t a rare species of the rainforest, a love affair or food from a high school cafeteria. These words describe the temperamental and unpredictable P.O.D. milkshake machine that seems to have been out of commission for the past several years.

But that will be changing very soon, as a Trinity student has recently discovered the secret to appeasing this machine and accessing its milkshake-making power.

First year Carly Puckett has been able to make the machine work. Puckett comes from humble roots and says that she is used to not having an overabundance of treats like ice cream or milkshakes. She notes that students who binge on desserts like this do not possess the ability to use the machine.

“I usually drink eight milkshakes a day at home, two for breakfast, two for lunch, two for dinner and then one between each meal,” said junior O. Bease. “I literally bought every single milkshake cup in the P.O.D. one day, but the machine still would not work for me.”

Another student who has had persistent trouble getting the machine to work is sophomore Richie Buck. He says that he gave up on the P.O.D. milkshakes because of how frustrated he was becoming.

“I tried and tried to get the machine to work, but it just wouldn’t,” Buck said. “So I told my parents and they put an extra $10,000 in my account so that I can treat myself with milkshakes from Sonic. It’s nice I guess, but it still just isn’t the same.”

First years Ruth Less and Marcel Fish have each gotten the machine to work one time, but each only once.

Neither Less or Fish believed the other, so they both journeyed  to the P.O.D. every day to see who would be the first to be successful once again.

“I know I did it right,” Less said. “I’m an engineering major so I’m the best at figuring out and fixing things like this.”

Fish disagreed with Less’s assertion.

“Ruth is lying and I know that I will be the first to make this machine finally work,” Fish said.

Puckett does not know why the machine works for her and not these other students.

She says that she will be happy to share with others and wants everyone to be able to enjoy the milkshakes.

There have even been rumors that she will be given the machine as a gift, since she knows how to make it work.

“I most definitely did not do anything special to get the machine to work,” Puckett said. “I must have just been really fortunate and I would love to share this good fortune with everyone else.”

In the meantime, students who are not humble, self-controlled, generous and loving enough to operate the machine can still enjoy sweet frozen treats from the cooler full of ice cream in Coates that everyone somehow forgets about. Although students rarely visit this cooler, it still has much to offer.