Trinitonian

Previously, on SGA: Ballot brawl breaks out

The following covers the meeting on April 1.

Balejandra Berlach, Managing Editor • March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here. Zero students were in attendance. Climate Check: President Daniel Newton began...

Paranormal activity plagues Thomas Residence Hall

Trinity’s partnership with international research facility aims to keep students safe

Bay Burdine, Illustrator • March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here. Bruce Thomas Residence Hall has come under the immediate acquisition of the Secure, Contain, Protect...

Defund men’s athletics?

Trinity athletics department made a large decision to grant funding previously allotted to men’s sports to women’s athletic programs

Babby Bower, Sports Editor • March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here. Nearing the end of Women’s History Month, Trinity Athletics made a consequential budgetary decision:...

Trinity says goodbye to the Southern Collegiate Athletic Conference

The athletic department sacks SCAC

Bicholas Bhen, Sports Reporter • March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here https://trinitonian.com/category/special-sections/ The SCAC, better known as the Southern Collegiate...

There’s a new Swashbuckler on campus

Avast ye! I am making big changes after my ascent to Swashbuckler captaincy

Bolin Bouston, Opinion Colunist • March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here. When I was named a captain of Swashbucklers for the upcoming school year last week, I knew it...

Anonymous Instagram accounts unmasked

Unveiling the masterminds behind Trinity’s most notorious Instagram pages

Bate Blein, Intern • March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here. Anonymous Instagram accounts that use school names and logos have been trending over the past...

Meet Queenie, nacho average mascot

LeeRoy’s drag fursona reintroduces herself to campus, spices up Trinity tradition

Babby Backson, Arts & Entertainment Reporter • March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here. We all know LeeRoy as Trinity’s friendly neighborhood tiger-man, who says a tiger can’t change...

Murchison Tower levels up

A look into former president Handy Danderson’s secret gaming career

Bamira Burino, Arts & Entertainment Reporter • March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here. Have you ever noticed the LED lights illuminating the Murchison Tower late at night? Or maybe...

“The Beast” brightens the skies of Trinity

Banessa "The Beast" Beastly’s inauguration events motivate new funding to security and the arts

Barker Barent, Arts & Entertainment Reporter • March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here. Trinity recently welcomed its newest president, Banessa “The Beast” Beastly, with an elaborate...

Why “Velma” is the greatest show of all time

Finally, the animation industry provides us with a true diamond in the rough

Bom Bighe, Arts & Entertainment Columnist • March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here. The realm of animation is one of complete and utter garbage. While there are exceptions (“Cars...

Theta Theta Veta: Trinity’s newest fraternity goes live

The new Greek organization that promises fame, fortune, and plenty of content

Bangelina B'Elia, Arts & Entertainment Editor • March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here. Greek life is once again expanding this semester, welcoming its newest co-ed fraternity with open...

Go to class sick

University pushes for all students to overcome ailments and become better individuals

Boshua Bitra, News Reporter • March 30, 2023

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here. Trinity University announced a groundbreaking joint initiative by the Student Government Association...