*This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here.

Residential Life announced new interior design plans for campus housing in a March 25 email sent to students. As part of Trinity’s recent Quality Reducement Plan, City Vista apartments and on-campus dorms will receive an updated look set to be implemented for the 2026-2027 school year.

To complete housing applications, students selected their preferred dorm based on registration time and popular demand. Now, Tigers will have to consider new designs, updated costs and add-ons in the selection process, which some students say has made the housing application more difficult. Despite concerns, Trinity President Vaseline Beastley said she plans to continue with changes and detailed what to expect in an email sent to the Trinitonian.

City Vista Apartments

City Vista’s apartment-style living used to offer one, two and three-bedroom housing units less than a block away from Trinity’s campus. Starting fall 2026, City Vista will provide 10 bedroom housing units to resolve its housing shortage problem through an expansion of infrastructure from the parking garage. In addition, Facilities Services will paint apartments in City Vista maroon and white to reflect Trinity’s school colors, and administrators will install chartreuse green carpeting in select “premium apartments” to symbolize the school’s environmental focus.

First-Year Area

The first-year area comprises Albert-Herff Beze, Harold D. Herndon, Verna McLean, and Robert R. Witt-Carlton R. Winn residential halls, located on the east side of campus. Now, the university will cut the area in half. Beze and Herndon will be the only dorms available for first-year students, while Trinity will convert Verna McLean and Witt-Winn into parking lots to resolve the lack of spaces on campus. Alongside this change, new Tigers should be on the look out for purple curtains sporting the Trinity seal that will adorn windows in Beze and Herndon next fall.

Sophomore College

Bruce Thomas Hall and Dick and Peggy Prassel Hall will see new interior design changes for their bathrooms and closets. Next semester, all bathrooms will have a newly added bathtub and all toilets will receive a bidet. Students will also have the option to pay for premium closets, which include a revolving shoe rack and additional storage under the floorboards. 

Upper-Division Neighborhood

After summer renovations, C.W. Miller, Calvert and Camille Lightner halls will have new interior cat-only areas, allowing outdoor-only cats to live the indoor lifestyle. While separate from students, this are will have windows for onlookers to watch cat activities.

Rochel Boa Toggle, director of Residential Life, shared that these changes aim to alleviate students’ concerns about campus life.

“It was time we spiced things up,” Toggle said. “I think the students are going to love this. We lowkey did our big one.”

Adriana Lima-Beans, face-mogging and fashion double-major, shared her perspective on these new renovations. She complained that these changes were a waste of students’ tuition money, causing decreased housing availability, unnecessary layout designs and unfashionable aesthetics.

“Chungus, Chungus, Chungus,” Lima-Beans said. “This is all so absurd. In what world would students want to live with nine other people, choose between a bathtub and a shower we already have or reside in dorms and apartments with ugly ahh colors? The cat thing and premium closet ideas are cool, I guess.”

Beastley shared a different perspective. She said that these updates will make campus housing more practical, symbolic and align with Trinity’s vision as a university.

“I wish we had thought of this idea sooner,” Beastley said. “I really think the new pop of color and innovative designs will make us stand out even more as a university and entice more students to apply. We really need to get our name out there.”

Housing prices and tuition will increase by 50% to finance these changes. Students can expect the university to announce financial aid information, in addition to their housing selections, in April.