Trinitonian

Mabee: Our new Michelin ‘Star’

Mabee it isn’t so bad after all

Joang Fang, News Reporter • March 26, 2026

*This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool's edition, the Trinibonian, here. “Molto bene!!!” Giovanni Binaldi said loudly as he sank his teeth into the famous Mabee Dining...

Need a ride, you sexy devil?

Trinity’s new escort service is a hit, particularly among fraternity members

Juulianne Bun, Poos Reporter • March 26, 2026

*This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool's edition, the Trinibonian, here. Trinity recently announced its new Tiger Escort Service, which allows students to call an escort...

Donald Trump visits ‘Tragic’ Trinity

U.S. President blasts ‘PRESIDENT SLEAZLEY’ in Truth Social post before his visit

Im Richer, Poos Editor • March 26, 2026

*This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool's edition, the Trinibonian, here. U.S. President Donald Trump landed at San Antonio International Airport in Air Force One on March...

Trinitonian is cancelled

Diva Constructor, Managing Editor • March 26, 2026

*This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool's edition, the Trinibonian, here. In a decisive and deeply unsurprising move, federal regulators have officially shut down the Trinibonian...