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The Student News Site of Trinity University

Trinitonian

The Student News Site of Trinity University

Trinitonian

The Student News Site of Trinity University

Trinitonian

Renting sex toys: Safety hazard or sexual necessity?

Renting sex toys: Safety hazard or sexual necessity?

Wellness Services now rents out sex toys as part of their condom project
Barper Born-Blegg, Snooze Reporter April 4, 2024

This piece is entirely satirical as a part our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian. After the success of the Condom Project by Health and Wellness Services in partnership with the San Antonio AIDS...

New master plan aims to make Trinity really stand out

New master plan aims to make Trinity really stand out

University pinky promises construction won’t take that long
Tara Hunter-Gatherer, Predator-in-Beef April 4, 2024

This piece is entirely satirical as a part our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian. With the increasingly large number of undergrad applicants and Trinity’s recent classification as a national...

Our walls aren’t thin enough

Our walls aren’t thin enough

How one simple renovation could elevate Trinity’s status to a whole new level
Connel Angus, Opinion Columnist April 4, 2024

This piece is entirely satirical as a part our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian. In three years when the Trinity dorms inevitably break down again and require another round of renovations, it...

The real reason CSI is always on fire

The real reason CSI is always on fire

Dr. Ugaddict, Opinion Columnist April 4, 2024

This piece is entirely satirical as a part our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian. First Cocaine Bear, then Methgator, and now we have Meth Rats. The rats are cooking meth. It’s no secret...

Student marries LeeRoy statue in private ceremony

Student marries LeeRoy statue in private ceremony

Anonymous student makes the ultimate lifetime commitment to Trinity mascot
Ham Gristle, Snooze Editor April 4, 2024

This piece is entirely satirical as a part our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian. On April 1, one student anonymously revealed that they married the LeeRoy statue in a small, private ceremony...

New installment announced to improve Trinity’s accessibility

New installment announced to improve Trinity’s accessibility

Trinity motions to build a chairlift and zipline between upper and lower campus
Al K. Seltzer, False Reporter April 4, 2024

This piece is entirely satirical as a part our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian. We protested, and Trinity finally responded. In light of a student-led protest regarding the accessibility of...

Trinity student celebrates a particularly nasty 19

Trinity student celebrates a particularly nasty 19

Students share their concerns over recent birthday fountain dunk contamination
Walmart Ratrut, False Reporter April 4, 2024

This piece is entirely satirical as a part our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian. The birthday fountain dunk is a long-standing tradition many students look forward to when committing to Trinity....

FBI Agent (3)

FBI investigates Trinity: Alleged multi-million embezzlement

They are coming for us. No one is safe. Burn all your documents and run...
Drex Dada, False Reporter April 4, 2024

This piece is entirely satirical as a part our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian. Wistopher B. Cray, director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, revealed that Trinity University has been...

Dr. Phil on Trinity Campus

Dr. Phil to spend a week at Trinty University

SGA approved Dr. Phil's coming to campus the week of April 8 for several projects
Diki Sheller, Intern April 4, 2024

This piece is entirely satirical as a part our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian. As of March 21, at the last SGA Finance Committee Meeting, SGA has officially approved self-help guru and television...

Man by day, tiger by night #PAWSUP

Man by day, tiger by night #PAWSUP

Legend has it Trinity University has a furry hero on the prowl
BDEVE, Farts Editor April 4, 2024

This piece is entirely satirical as a part our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian. Rusty orange fur with midnight black stripes traced across the pelt. A creature that prowls amidst the misty campus,...

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