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The Student News Site of Trinity University

Trinitonian

The Student News Site of Trinity University

Trinitonian

The Student News Site of Trinity University

Trinitonian

AT@imperial.gov

From pest to test-taker

Trinity critters speak out about their campus experience
Ray Beaz, Reporter April 3, 2025

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here As we all know, Trinity is home to a diverse student body with a wide range of voices. However,...

Fund “Start ‘em Young,”  teach children poker, now.

Fund “Start ‘em Young,” teach children poker, now.

Jizz Pizz, Opinion Editor April 3, 2025

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here Everyone knows that poker benefits young, developing minds. To spread the many benefits of poker,...

You should love the construction on campus

You should love the construction on campus

Im Richer, Opinion Columnist April 3, 2025

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here Lately, Trinity’s campus has been seemingly consumed by endless fences, caution tape, and construction...

Club Beze

What’s that noise from down below? It’s Club Beze!

Zoo-Wee-Mama, Reporter April 3, 2025

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here It’s a vulture! It’s a group of obnoxious first-years! No! It’s Beze Underground! The secret’s...

Bradshaw Peter, Editor April 3, 2025

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here Have you ever watched a film so profoundly moving that you couldn’t stop crying during the screening?...

Blessed student jumps for joy

Starbucks takes meal swipes now

Due to the high demand, Trinity will start allowing meal swipes for Starbucks
Canne Sulled, Snoozer Loser April 3, 2025

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here Although Trinity released a revised meal plan for the 2025-2026 semester a month ago, they recently...

Smacks, snacks, soacks.

Three Mabee meals a day, or pay!

Trinity Dining institutes a new policy requiring students to reach a minimum number of meal swipes or pay a fine
Olivia Marie Hill, Reporter April 3, 2025

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here Effective immediately, Trinity students are required to use a minimum of 450 swipes per semester...

Trap and skeet brings out the big guns... Big hard guns... Rock hard guns.

Trap & Skeet Shooting launches controversial missile program

They plan to hit more targets, but at what cost?
Isaac Coleson, Reporter April 3, 2025

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here This past Tuesday, March 31, Trinity announced a new missile program for trap and skeet shooting....

Trinity admin launches betting app TigerDual

Trinity admin launches betting app TigerDual

Two-Timing Tony Bone-Marrow, Reporter April 3, 2025

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here At the beginning of the 2025-26 academic year, Trinity will launch a new app, TigerDual. Next year,...

“I’m not gaslighting you, I’m forgiving you!”

“I’m not gaslighting you, I’m forgiving you!”

Mcmcmc Mcmc, Opinion Columnist April 3, 2025

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here We’ve all had that ex who just doesn’t know when to quit. Our friends say they’re ‘toxic’...

Bad AO3 cover parody

The class I was sold to one direction

New fanfiction class offered by English department for the fall semester
A tired fanfic writer from 2012, Reporter April 3, 2025

This piece is entirely satirical. Read the rest of our April Fool’s edition, the Trinibonian, here Trinity’s newest English class is turning heads as students start to plan their schedules for...

We need a gender studies department now

We need a gender studies department now

Giovanna Campolo, Special Editor March 21, 2025

Trinity University is now ranked nationally as the No. 40 best liberal arts college according to U.S. News & World Report, and it is an absolute marvel and a disservice to current and prospective students...